A Case For Concern
by calla lilly rose
Summary: Getting his life back on track will take more than time. If he's lucky, he just might make it.
1. Custody Hearing

SE Hinton is the owner of all characters related to The Outsiders. I make no profit from these writings, only satisfaction.

Thanks to Samaryley for her Beta help!

**A Case For Concern**

Chapter 1

_**Custody Hearing**_

_Case number 21537, custody hearing for Curtis, Ponyboy Michael, is now in session. The honorable judge Thom Carsee, presiding. _

My stomach had been turning and twisting for days worrying what was going to happen today. I wasn't the only one with knots tearing up their insides. Soda was worried too. He had been smoking more all week while trying to hide that fact from Ponyboy. He tried to hide it from me, but gave that rouse up early.

"We gotta find a way to keep him, Darry. Maybe... maybe I can apply for guardianship if the judge takes it from you," he suggested one night while sitting alone on the porch, smoking what had to be his third straight cigarette. Ponyboy was sleeping again, getting some much needed rest. It was all I allowed him do since he woke up a few days ago.

It would have been funny if I didn't know Soda was as serious as a heartbeat about it.

"They won't give you guardianship, Soda." He looked at me with pain all over his eyes, knowing that his dropping out of school weighed heavily on his ever having legal guardianship over anything bigger than a gumball, let alone our youngest brother.

I was also worried about Ponyboy - his physical health was shot to heck. He had been released by the doctor to come to the hearing, but his thoughts were still scrambled. He was doing everything he could to convince himself he was guilty of everything, his _coping mechanism... _the doctor explained. Didn't make sense to me - Johnny and Dally and that Soc Bob were still dead, whether anyone took the blame for it or not. I just didn't know how to get Ponyboy to understand that. _Time_, the doc told me. _Time_. Well, that's all well and good, but for the last week...time was a commodity we were short on.

Sodapop knew it, I knew it... unfortunately Ponyboy knew it, too. That much reality had gotten past his scrambled mindset. He knew we could be split up and it tortured him. It tortured the rest of us too, but he let it affect him physically and emotionally and there was precious little I could do about it. I had seen him earlier in the week going through his dresser, silently pulling out clothes, folding and stacking some of them neatly while leaving other shirts and jeans of his in a jumble. It finally dawned on me, he was picking out what he was gonna take with him when the court severed my guardianship and he would be sent to the county home for boys. I had no words of comfort. He looked so lost, so empty in his eyes.

He also wasn't eating. Since he woke up from his delirium that Tuesday, he had managed very little down his throat. He was losing weight, a little bit more every day since I carried him in the house the night he returned from Windrixville. At first, I thought bologna had something to do with it....he kept saying he didn't like bologna, which is weird since he's never had a problem with it before. But now I think there's more to it. I just don't have enough medical knowledge to understand. My lack of understanding is hurting him, because I simply don't know _how_ to help him. And he certainly isn't dropping hints in my direction. Soda is usually the one who gets him to talk, but even now...Soda ain't getting anything out of him either. Whatever happened that week... in the park, in the church or maybe standing there watching his two best friends die within an hour of each other, has had an impact on him, one even I can't bully away with strong muscles or sharp words.

What really happened is still a mystery to me. He hasn't opened up to anyone, not even Soda. The only other souls who could tell me what happened to my fourteen year old kid brother have died. It hurts to know he won't open up to me. He used to when we were kids...I was always the big brother who protected him from the bullies, walked him to and from school and played ball with him in the yard. Since our parents' death he has distanced himself not only from me emotionally, but also spends more time alone rather than hanging with the gang. It has figuratively driven a wedge between us that I can't remove.

He wants to be a tough greaser like Soda and the other guys. I understand that. We live in a rough section of town, and therefore he needs the gang's protection, whether he accepts it or not. They do their best to protect him, and I think they also realize he ain't cut out to be like them. He has too much potential, obvious to even the most blinded man on the street. Obvious to everyone, that is, except_ him._ I, personally, have no interest in being a gang member, but I hang with the guys, and will back them up no matter what. We're more buddies than gang members anyways, sticking together come hell or high water. Gangs don't behave like that. Friends do.

Anyway, today is the hearing, the one where the judge hears what happened to cause all this mess and tries to figure out what to do about it. It's the day we have all been dreading, knowing it might just be our last day together as a family for a long time. I could see it had been on Pony's mind all week... on all our minds really, but taking its toll on him the worst.

I sat behind him, wanting desperately to sit _with_ him, but that wasn't allowed. They wouldn't let Soda sit with him, either, just the public defender the court provided. Ponyboy was scared, I knew him well enough to see it. When he wasn't wiping sweat from his brow he kept his hands clasped together, or sat on them, or chewed his nails. His body language told me he wanted a cigarette, but even he knew that wasn't gonna happen. I couldn't do anything for him, leaving me feeling as helpless as I did that night I hit him. God, if I could just take that back.... but I can't. I have to live with it, and everything that has happened because of it since. My own personal albatross sent from hell that I can't get rid of. But I deserve it; Ponyboy doesn't.

In the meantime, the doctor had told the judge that he was still recovering and his memory since the attack in the park wasn't very reliable. The judge therefore didn't allow him to say much of anything relevant to the actual events of that night, which was probably wise. He'd have screwed himself over at least a million ways if he had been allowed to do that. Luckily the other witnesses - the Socials who were there that night...._bastards _to me, every last one of them - decided to tell the truth about what happened.

So, Soda and I finally got to hear first hand as each of these _young men_, as the judge referred to them, one by one told the world what happened.... how they found Johnny and Pony alone in the park. Two of these "well -off but misguided gentlemen" subdued Johnny with fear and a private beating while the other three first beat my youngest brother, then held him under in the fountain, repeatedly letting him up to gasp for air, then dunking him under the water, again and again, until he eventually stopped fighting.

He_ stopped fighting. _The words from the soc's mouth reverberated in my brain as I sat on the bench in the court. He _stopped resisting_! They _drowned_ him! My stomach turned into tighter knots that refused to untangle.

"That's when that little dark haired kid came up and stabbed Bob." Every soc ended their testimony with that. Johnny killed Bob. They all agreed on that. Pony remained in the fountain when they took off. Johnny had to have pulled him out, but no one knew for certain. We'd never know. It made me sick. Soda was clenched so tight next to me that I knew he wanted to kill them too.

They admitted what they did so dryly that it sounded as if they were reading it from a script. They didn't even seem _repulsed_ by their actions, just worried what the judge was gonna do to _them._

We all had a turn taking the stand, telling the judge whatever he wanted to know, answering his questions as best we could. I was honest - Dally was a friend and a buddy. I'd do anything I could to help him. He did the same for us too many times for me to throw his memory under the bus now. I held it together, not for Dally's sake, but for Ponyboy's. He needed me to show support for the whole gang, Dally too. By supporting Dally, I also supported Pony. I hoped it was an olive branch that he would take, allowing me back in to his world.

Soda did the same. He stuck up for Dally, not glossing him over which was a good thing. Dallas had been in front of too many judges for this one to not know who Dallas Winston was. But Dallas was good to us, and protective of Pony and Johnny, and we valued him for it. We'd miss him, that was certain.

Pony took the stand, but again, wasn't allowed to say anything much except talk about school, being bumped a grade, making the state finals in track, and having good grades. Pony looked like he wanted to say more, but I had told him in no uncertain terms that if he wasn't asked a direct question, to not go off on any tangents. I doubted he would, but I held my breath from the moment he took the stand until he took his lonely seat by the public defender again.

Then the waiting game began.

We were all sweating bullets, my brothers and I out of fear that we would all be separated until Sodapop and Ponyboy each turned eighteen - the other side of the aisle concerned that they would be _fined _for disturbing the damn peace. Not _attempted murder_.... no, not those wonderful well- to- do future leaders of America, just for disturbing the peace. That thought was disturbing in and of itself.

Finally the judge had his decision. Acquitted. I retained full custody. I could breathe again. Thank God! The judge hit his gavel on the desk, and everyone got up to go. I stepped over the small barricade separating Pony from me and grabbed him in a bear hug. I could feel his small arms holding me back, and Soda was wrapped in there, too. For one moment, we were together again. The feeling wouldn't last long. Pony let go, just as Soda did, but their expressions were so different. Soda's had jubilation and relief, Pony's had returned to apprehension and doubt. Maybe even fear. Confusion. It was all there, and now it was all mine to deal with again.

"Lets get on home, guys."

I shook the juvenile defender's hand and guided Pony outside, where the sun was bright and the future hopeful. I doubt he saw any of that.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	2. Melancholy

**A Case For Concern**

Chapter 2

**Melancholy**

XXX

"Well?" Steve and Two-Bit were hanging at the top of the court house stairs waiting for an answer.

"Acquitted!" Soda called to them.

"YEAH!" Steve yelled before high-fiving Soda.

"Way to go, kid!" Two-Bit said, punching Pony in the gut.

He put out a hand to steady himself and I caught him before he fell over. Any other day of the year he'd have anticipated that hit and had a comeback punch of his own. Now he just let it happen? _Come on, Pony... where ya at in that head of yours?_

"Lay off, Two-Bit. We're still on State property, remember? I don't need to have custody revoked before I make it to the truck." I reminded him as we walked to the parking lot.

"Oh yeah, sorry Darry!" He settled for rumpling Pony's hair, causing Ponyboy to scowl as he pulled a comb from his back pocket to fix it.

"It's bad enough this ain't my hair color and it's too short - you ain't got to louse it up more, Two-Bit." He grumbled as I opened the truck door while he slid in the middle. At least he said _something_.

"I'm gonna go ride with the guys, okay Darry?" Soda called to me.

I looked at Ponyboy, who wordlessly went ahead and moved back over out of the middle seat and pulled the door shut. I looked at Soda and nodded. Steve started his engine and the three of them pulled out ahead of me, disappearing into the traffic before I made it behind the wheel.

"It's all over with now, Pone. Everything's gonna be fine. Are ya hungry? Let's go celebrate - just you and me. How bout Jay's? Been a while since I ate there." I was trying to coax him into eating. I didn't care where we went or what we ate - I just had to get him to eat again. I couldn't help but notice earlier how loosely his pants fit him, despite his belt being cinched nearly to the last hole. I almost thought they were Soda's when he got dressed this morning. At the time, I was more worried he wouldn't be making a return trip home with us to mention it.

"I'm not hungry," he simply said while rubbing his temples. I knew that look. I reached into the glove box and handed him the bottle of aspirin, watching silently as he unscrewed the cap and took out an unknown number.

"Two, Pony. No more than two." He put some back and popped them in his mouth, swallowing them dry without even blinking. He had gotten so used to taking them that he didn't need water anymore. And I doubted he only took two.

I pulled into Jays and ordered some food for us, but when it came he just drank his Pepsi and stared out the window, completely ignoring the contents of the bag.

"Ya gonna eat? At least try to get something down." I asked, trying to keep the begging sound from finding it's way into my voice.

"I told you I wasn't hungry, Darry," he reiterated in a placid tone.

"Try anyway." I said a bit more determined.

He reached in and picked up a burger then bit it, chewing that bite about three times longer than necessary before swallowing. Then he took another bite, repeating the process. I started the truck and headed home, content at least that I finally got something in him.

However, it only stayed in him for about five miles.

"Darry, pull over...now!" he barked.

I looked at him, his face pale as a ghost. I stopped the truck and watched him as he jerked the door open then dove toward the rear wheel. The sound of him puking echoing around in the cab.

"Pony! You okay?" I called when the retching stopped. He came back over and slid in, silently closing up the bag food. He pulled one knee to his chest, wrapped an arm around his bent leg and rested his head on the glass, staring silently out the window again. I reached over and felt his head, warm... but not burning. I knew he wasn't going to answer me, so I went on home.

Once back at the house, I directed him down the hallway. "Go wash up and get back to bed. I'll get you some soup when your stomach is ready for it. Let me know when you want me to heat it up, okay?"

He nodded and padded on down the hallway to his room. A little while later, I went to check on him and found him in the t-shirt and sweat pants he usually wore to bed, sprawled out asleep. I felt his face and forehead, now damp with sweat. He was still slightly warm, but I'd wait until he woke on his own to give him any more aspirin. I reached for his blanket and covered him up, closing the blinds before I left the room. At least he was in his own bed tonight, not being sent to the county home.

_At least he's home, under my roof and in his own bed. Be glad for that much_, _I'll figure out the rest tomorrow_. I told myself as I held onto his doorknob another second, watching him sleep.

He never came out of his room, sleeping what was left of the day away. I let him, remembering _time _is what the doctor said he needed. Just wish he told me how much.

XXX

"Drowned him? Are you serious! Those soc bastards actually said that!" Two-Bit screeched looking furious. None of us had known what had happened to Ponyboy or Johnny after Pony ran out of the house, and this realization of what went on that night just didn't sit well with anyone.

"Yup." I was still seething mad about it too. I couldn't even begin to imagine him being beaten like they said they did, but then to hold him under as my brother struggled to breathe was enough to make my blood boil and my stomach turn. If I thought about it any more, I was gonna puke.

"Man, those sons -of- bitches are sick puppies. What did the judge do?" Steve asked while looking over at me.

"Not a damn thing. _They_ weren't on trial, only Pony was. They were there as _witnesses_, remember?"

"You're shittin' me! They admit to nearly killing the kid and they got _nothing?_" Steve was getting just as mad as I was. Never say he didn't care for Ponyboy, cause it just ain't true.

"Yup." I said again.

"Did Pony even get to testify?" Two-Bit asked, looking over at me.

"For what he said he may as well have said nothing. Doc put the mute on anything related to that night for him. He talked about school and his grades, living with us, his running trophies...nothing else."

"Probably a good thing though, seeing as how the kid's still sorta screwed up. He still saying he's guilty?" Two-Bit asked.

"Pony ain't guilty of anything other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time." I spat out, leaning back in the seat while defending my brother.

"Soda..." Steve said to me over his shoulder as he stopped for a red light. "You know as well as we do that in _this_ neighborhood, being in the wrong place at the wrong time can get you killed." The light turned green again and Steve jerked the car forward with a heavy foot on the gas. "He's gonna have to wise up - and fast. Now that he's been acquitted, he's gonna be open season for any Soc with a vendetta."

"We're gonna have to watch him, keep closer tabs on him, especially at school. When's he going back?" Two-Bit fingered his sideburns absentmindedly while thinking aloud.

"Monday. No PE though." Now I was even more worried, realizing Steve was right. Even though we won in the rumble... Bob had friends all over the place and none of them liked any of us. The feeling was mutual, but our side was at least leaving them alone. It was doubtful they would do the same. Winning the rumble meant nothing to me by now, we'd lost too much before and after it. I was scared we'd somehow still end up losing Ponyboy. This mess just didn't feel like it was over.

"Man, Soda, you got to go home and change. Darry'll skin you if you wreck your court clothes." Steve said as he got a better look at me in the mirror.

I looked down and realized he was right. This was the only pair of nice pants I had, and yesterday I had to buy a new shirt that fit me to go with it. Last time I had to dress up was when we were in court before, when Darry was awarded guardianship of us. These pants barely fit me then, too...but that time they were too big. Looks like I'll have to put these in the pile for Pony to have, as they were getting too snug for me to wear anymore.

I looked up as Steve pulled into my driveway and killed the engine. Darry and Pony weren't home yet. We headed inside, the guys headed to the kitchen as I started pulling off my shirt on my way down the hall.

Once in my room, I noticed the partially hidden latched suitcase laying on the floor by Pony's side of the bed. Why he had a suitcase out I had no idea, but I was surprised at it's weight when I picked it up. Opening it, I found his clothes...about a weeks worth of jeans, shirts and underclothes folded about as nicely as if bought at some upscale store. _Aww, Pone. You ain't going anywhere_. I latched the suitcase and put it back where he had it, knowing I would have to get him to open up and talk to me soon. He may look steady on the outside, but on the inside he was a roller coaster of emotion. I got changed and headed out with the guys.

"I can't spend all day guys. I got a feeling I'm gonna be needed here later."

"Yeah, I figured you'd say that. Burgers and fries and a quick game of poker, that sound okay?" Steve asked driving off towards the strip.

"Sounds perfect. But if I don't get home before seven, I'm sure I'll regret it."

"I'll set my watch, Soda." Steve said.

I looked at him cynically, Steve doesn't wear a watch.

XXX

"Well, I was wondering what time you'd show back up." Darry looked at me as I came in the door. I looked at the clock, _Damn Steve.... I told you seven._ It was after eight now.

"Sorry, Darry. Me and the guys got carried away with a poker game out on the strip. Where's Pony?" I looked around, he wasn't in the kitchen... not that I really expected him to be there since he's been too weak and out of it to do much of anything since he came home.

"Asleep. Been in bed since we got back from the courthouse."

"He sick?" That was a dumb question, even I knew that. He would have had to be well first before one could assume he was sick again.

"He threw up on the way home. I had him try to eat a hamburger...it didn't stay down long." He shook his head staring at the ceiling, the worry on his face aging him more and more.

"I'll go get ready for bed and check on him. Maybe I can get him to at least drink some water before I lay down."

"Soda... " Darry started then faltered. He looked at me, exasperated.

"I know, Darry, he needs to eat. We'll worry about that in the morning. You still want him to go to school Monday?" I didn't know how he was gonna pull off getting Pony to attend school. Physically being there, sure... I slept through enough classes to know that's possible. But I ain't Ponyboy and I knew Darry expected him to actually_ get _something out of each class, especially considering how far behind he already was.

"No choice. He's got to go. Two-Bit and Steve said they'd keep an eye on him." Darry said, turning out the kitchen light as we headed down the hall.

"Alright... you're the boss!" I said, skepticism thick in my voice. I shook my head. We had a weekend to fix almost a month's worth of trouble.

XXX

The rain steadily pattering on the window woke me. Blinking my eyes, I glanced at the glowing numbers on the clock sitting on the desk. _5:42. _Rubbing my eyes, I looked down at my sleeping brother who had curled into a ball next to me. His peacefully resting face and light breathing hid the unrest he showed when awake. A rumble of thunder in the distance rattled the window panes just then but he didn't even stir. Lightly I touched his forehead, making sure he wasn't feverish, then felt a small amount of relief when he wasn't. Slowly I made my way off the bed, taking with me the untouched glass of water I had taken in last night. He drank none of it, despite my trying to get him to take even the smallest amounts.

"Morning Soda." Darry said quietly as he sat at the table reading his paper.

"Hey." I answered back. "You off today?" I asked, looking out the kitchen window at the steady rain falling in the light cast by the street lamppost.

"Yep. Already called the boss. Rain ain't due to let up today, so no work." He looked at the glass as I poured the water in the sink and knew. "Pony didn't drink anything, did he?"

"No." I said, putting a frying pan on the stove to heat while reaching into the fridge to pull out milk and eggs. I got out the cinnamon and vanilla and rounded up the bread. I mixed and poured the ingredients until just right, finally sopping the bread in it before laying it on the hot pan.

"French toast, Soda? I never knew you to make that before." Darry had been watching me wondering what I was up to. I had an idea, but didn't know if it would work.

"Pony likes it, or at least he used to, a long time ago." I said, finally looking at Darry. He nodded his head, understanding my meaning.

The familiar sound of the toilet being flushed and water running through the pipes told me Pony had woken up, just as I was finishing the tall stack of toast. Darry got the plates and silverware while I brought the food to the table. Pony wandered in and sat down, rubbing his shoulder with one hand and that defeated look still on his face.

"Morning Pony. What's wrong with your shoulder?" Darry asked him while helping himself to some slices.

"Whacked it on the door jam. I'm fine," he said, looking at the stack in front of him. "You made French toast?"

"Yep! Thought it'd be a nice change from eggs this morning. Go on, have some," I said while drowning my stack in syrup.

I watched as he got a slice for himself and cut it up to eat. It was hard for me to hold back and say nothing, as while Darry and I had at least three slices each, Pony was still picking at that same slice when we were done. He ate most of it, but it worried me. Darry too... his glance at me as he scraped his plate in the trash later screamed concern.

"You working today, Soda?" Darry asked, trying to figure out my schedule on the ice box door.

"Yep. Noon til close. Steve and me."

"Try to at least stay out of the rain, I don't need you coming down with pneumonia." Darry directed as he headed off down the hall.

Pony came in and looked at the mess I made in the kitchen. Wordlessly he started to fill the sink and rinse off the plates. He had a curious way of doing dishes. He made sure every last bit of syrup and leftover food was off the plates or bowls before putting them in the sink. No floaties..he detested that. Considering how long he let them sit in the extremely hot water, he may as well have sterilized them.

"Want help?" I offered. He wordlessly shook his head. I put the syrup back in the fridge and went to take a shower.

He hadn't left me much hot water, so before long, I was out and dressed.

"Wanna go to the movies before I have to go to work?" I tried again.

The look of shock and hurtful bewilderment on his face when I asked got to me. It wasn't the _Double_ I was asking him to, but I guess any theater was gonna bother him now.

"How bout the library?" I was running out of ideas.

"I don't wanna go out. Soda. If you're that bored, call Steve and go out with him." He grabbed his smokes and went on the porch.

I watched him for a minute through the screen as he perched on the railing and lit one up. The overhang was just enough to keep him from getting wet. Unless it caused his smoke to go out, I doubt he'd even notice the rain.

"I got to go get some grocery, you staying or going with me?" Darry asked as he came back up the hallway.

"Staying. Take Pony though. He needs to get out of the house for a while," I quietly said to Darry. He looked at Pony and nodded his head.

"Yeah, he does," he agreed in a low voice. "Pony!" Darry shouted through the door. I watched as Pony turned his head towards us. "Get your shoes on. I need your help getting groceries."

"Take Soda. I don't wanna go," he called back, not moving off the railing. This was a switch, he didn't want to go_ and _talking back to Darry? If he didn't already have a concussion, Darry would probably have given him one.

"Pony, get your shoes on and go help Darry. I need you to pick out the cereal, you know Darry can't get it right." I shot Darry an apologetic glance, and he nodded in understanding. Pony slid off the railing and came in, flicking the last of his weed over the steps as he came in.

"Fine," he grumbled, searching for his shoes.

XXX

"Think he'll be ready tomorrow?" I looked at Darry, unsure myself of the answer. All weekend long, unless forced out of the house, he's stayed right here. Not in the way like he usually is, all sprawled out on the living room floor with his books, busy with a task of some sort, but just ..._here_. Knees drawn to his chest like he was imitating a ball while staring out some random window. Even tonight, when the TV was on, he may have had his head turned to it, but his glassy stare told me he hadn't really seen anything. For the first time in my memory, even his books sat in untouched stacks all over the house.

"He's gonna have to be. He can't miss any more days." Darry said in a low voice.

Pony was in the bathroom, taking a _bath _of all things. Bath's were rare for us, Pony usually only took one after a track meet to relax his leg muscles. Baths tied up the bathroom and used a lot of water, two things I knew Darry didn't like. At this point I couldn't tell if he was just spacing out or really just trying to piss Darry off. Either way, both would make Darry lose his cool.

"Pony, come on. Other people live here too." Darry said while banging on the door.

The sounds of water splashing in the tub could be heard followed by the drain being pulled. He'd been in there for nearly an hour. I couple minutes more and he emerged to face Darry's silent scowl. Instead of saying anything, he just went to our room and shut the door.

"I had hoped that when the judge acquitted him, he could come home and put all this behind him. He just won't let it go." Darry said while looking at the ceiling from the open bathroom doorway. I wasn't even sure if Darry was talking to me at this point, but I gave a reply.

"Doc said to give him time. These last few weeks have been harder on him than anything...except for maybe losing mom and dad."

"We got over losing Dally and Johnny. He's got to learn to suck it up too." He folded his paper up and left it on the coffee table.

The front door opened and Steve walked in. "Mind if I come over tonight?"

"Your old man giving you hell again?" Darry looked at him, a knowing look in his eyes.

"Yup. Same shit, different day."

"My couch is yours. Pull up a seat. I'm game for a few hands of cards."

Darry shuffled and dealt the cards. I noticed the light went out from under the doorway's edge to my room. It was only 8:30, way too early for Pony to ever consider going to sleep. Weeks ago I'd have to tell him to turn off the lamp as it got closer to midnight, knowing he could sit and read totally oblivious to the hours passing by. The obvious silence was noticed even by Steve.

"Kid still not all there yet?"

"He ain't claiming guilt for their deaths anymore, but he hasn't moved on either." Darry answered, moving the cards around in his hand.

Steve just looked at me. I shook my head. If I had an answer, I'd have used it by now.

"We'll keep an eye on him at school. He still going?" Steve asked.

"Yep. No other choice."

"Don't worry, Darry. Two-Bit knows every trick in the book for evading class. Between him and me, we'll do what we can to keep the kid safe."

Darry just looked at him. "I'm counting on it, Steve."

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	3. Lunch Time Brawl

**Case For Concern**

Chapter 3

**Lunch Time Brawl**

XXX

"Pony, c'mon, kiddo, I know you're not asleep." His eye's were closed but I knew his body movements by now. He was _too_ still to really be asleep, he usually curled up some, flexing his arms or legs when I got in bed next to him. As it was, he lay on his side facing away from me, as still as a statue. For him, being still was unnatural. "Talk to me. You know you can tell me anything."

He finally gave up the rouse, shrugging his shoulder. "Nothing to tell," his soft voice came without him moving.

"You worried about school tomorrow? You know you're gonna do fine, don't sweat it. Yeah, you're behind some, but I know you, you'll get caught up in no time." I was trying to be encouraging, but he just looked and sounded so damn lost. This was yet another time I wished I hadn't dropped out, just so I could hang with him in the halls.

"I ain't worried 'bout school."

I peered over his shoulder and saw his face. Dried tear tracks could be seen going down his cheeks. No wonder he didn't come out to play cards with us.

"Let me in, Pony. Please.... I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong." I tried again, but it was no use.

"I'm tired, Soda. Let me sleep." He tucked himself into a ball and pulled the blanket over his shoulder, and I gave up the issue for now. But this wasn't over, this was far from over.

"Yeah, okay, Pone. Get some sleep." I turned away and pulled the blanket over my own arm, wondering what I could do to get him to open up. I fell asleep trying to figure it out, no closer to a solution than I was when I first lay down.

XXX

"Soda, hey Soda... time to get up. Come on, Pepsi, Steve's gonna be here soon." Darry paused, then continued, more finality in his voice. "If you want me to give you a ride to work, you'd better get up."

I popped my eyes open to see Darry walking back to the kitchen. I could smell coffee brewing and heard the sizzle of bacon in the frying pan. I also heard the water flowing through the tap and turned over. The familiar drag from extra weight on the bed was gone, Ponyboy was already up. Damn. I was hoping to have another chance to talk to him, or at least beat him into the shower. Knowing I would be the last one in, I knew there wouldn't be much hot water left. I sat up and ran my fingers over my face a moment, then followed Darry into the kitchen.

"We out of jelly again?" I mindlessly asked as I searched the shelves.

"I haven't seen any. You're the one that eats that mess, you should know," Darry said as he slapped his B.L.T. sandwich together.

"I ain't the only one. Two-Bit uses it with the peanut butter. I swear he'll never grow up." I gave up the search and just ate my eggs plain, stealing a slice of bacon from Darry's plate when he wasn't looking. The bathroom door opened and Ponyboy came out, towel wrapped around him and he headed back to the bedroom.

"Man, he's getting skinny." I said inadvertently. Darry looked up just as Pony closed the door behind him.

"Chicken, tonight. He likes chicken." Darry's low voice murmured as he searched the freezer, pulling out the frozen bird to thaw on the counter. "You working late?"

I had to think about it. I had put in for extra time to make up for all the work I missed while Ponyboy was missing and in the hospital. "Yup. I'm closing with Jim tonight. He likes to get out fast though, so hopefully I can get home before ten." Usually I split at eight, but the bills were piling up, and Darry and I both had to sacrifice home time to prevent late notices from showing up. Darry didn't know it, but Steve was giving me half his pay to help out. If Darry did know, he'd only get mad. Even though everyone in the gang knew of our financial situation, Darry still didn't like our issues being so public. He did have _some_ pride left, but pride didn't pay the bills. Our friends pitched in when they could. I finished shoving breakfast down my throat and went to take my shower, hoping Pony had left me some amount of hot water.

"I'll keep a plate for you in the oven then." Darry called to me as I closed the door.

XXX

"Morning sleepy heads!" I walked on in and took a deep breath. "Ahhh."

Breakfast at the Curtis's! There's some things a guy can always count on. I'll always love the taste of beer, Soda will always have the chicks hanging at the DX, and cake will always be available at the Curtis house. Well, almost always. There wasn't any for a while, but at the time, we really didn't notice it was missing. We were too busy searching every nook and cranny of Tulsa, searching for the kids. It was a relief to walk in this morning and smell that sweet aroma again, sort of felt like things were getting back to normal. Not that things would ever really be normal again. Johnny and Dally would never..... well.... time to move on. I hate dwelling on sad shit. Not my style.

"Morning, Two-Bit." Darry called from the kitchen where he was finishing their dishes.

"Hey Darry. Ponyboy up?" I reached in their fridge and cut some cake.

"Don't make a mess. Yeah, he's up."

The front door opened again and Steve headed into the kitchen. Darry looked at us both.

"Morning Steve," he looked down the hall, but no one was there. "Look, do what you can to get Pony to eat at lunch today. Something besides a candy bar, too. Got me?" He reached into his wallet taking out a dollar. Steve took it without saying a word... I knew he'd just give it to Soda later. Darry hated being a charity case. Not that he was one, but we knew the score.

"We can't exactly hold him down and force feed him, ya know," Steve sighed, "but we'll do our best. Don't worry, Darry. Kid ready to go?" Steve looked down the hallway just as the bedroom door opened and Pony walked out.

Damn, he looked rough, and that haircut wasn't helping matters either. Pale, thin, almost a shadow of himself. This wasn't the Ponyboy Curtis I was used to. I wondered if Darry was right to insist he go back today, but I knew better than to question Darry's authority over his youngest brother.

"Got your books, Pone?" Darry asked him.

"Yeah, I got 'em. Don't work too hard today." He looked at Darry for a moment, a glimmer of his old self in his eyes as Darry handed him an apple to eat. Pony tossed it in the air once before shoving it in his pocket.

"Have a good day. Stay close to the gang, and don't smoke too much." Ponyboy had already headed outside, escaping Darry's daily dose of instructions. "Keep an eye on him." Darry said to us, his tone changed back to one of authority and concern, not taking his eyes off Ponyboy as he waited for us at their fence.

"We will. See ya, Darry." Steve called to Darry then went to pound on the bathroom door. "See you at the station later, Soda!"

"Bye Steve!" Soda called from inside.

XXX

"So, kid.... first day back! Ready for all those young gal's to start drooling all over you again?" Two-Bit was grinning at me like I was a prize for the taking. I scowled at him, he knew I had no interest in being anyone's prize.

"Yeah, right. Whatever." I sat back in the backseat of Steve's car and fingered the fringe on some torn out notebook paper shoved in one of my books. I was glad to be doing something different today, something besides staring at my ceiling or the four dirty walls of my room. I felt like a caged bird finally allowed to be free, yet, I sat here not really knowing what to do with that freedom. Thoughts ran through my head that never left me alone, and left me feeling like I was floundering in a sea of despair.

Johnny was dead. Dallas was dead. I saw them both go. It was my fault, but it wasn't my fault. I was acquitted by the court and was simply told by the judge to stop biting my nails. Like _that_ was my problem all along! Sure, nail biting caused all this. Right.

Steve and Two-Bit were having their own conversation in the front seat now, and I didn't bother to pay attention until I heard my name breaking into my thoughts.

"Ponyboy, hey! You even listening to me?" Steve called as he looked at me in the rear view mirror.

"Yeah? What?" I looked up at his reflection.

"Fine, I'll go over this again. You stay close to me or Two-Bit, understand? After third period, Two-Bit'll meet you at your locker, then we'll both take you for lunch. And yes, you _are _eating lunch. Got me, kid?"

"I don't need a personal escort service, Steve." I was getting annoyed. How was I supposed to get on with my normal life if they never let me do things I normally do in the manner I normally do them?

"Ponyboy, just do us this favor, okay kid. I'll come get you after math, like Steve said. Besides, I wanna count how many chicks swarm over you with that hair of yours!" He laughed. I only sunk lower in the seat. Steve pulled into a parking spot in the student parking lot and we all got out. Several other greasers that had pulled up at the same time got out of their cars and just stared at me. I ignored them.

The big red brick building loomed ahead of me, and suddenly I didn't feel too hot about this. If I was getting looks from my own kind of people- greasers- what was the rest of the day gonna bring? A jittery feeling crept over me as I began to make my way up to the side doors closest to my locker.

"He's the one....."

"....killed Bob....."

".....fire....."

Words floated by me like driftwood as people slowed to stare and whisper things about me as they walked down the hall. I tried to concentrate on my locker combination but had to repeat it three times before I heard it suddenly click and pop open in my hand, that small noise and action so sudden it caused me to jump slightly. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and got out my books, enough to last me through gym. I suddenly didn't feel like returning to this spot anymore than necessary today.

I clanged my locker shut and started off into the crowd, only to have a strong hand push my shoulder.

"Hey, dirt bag. Think you can just come back here and walk around like a free man? You killed a friend of mine, worth more than a hundred of you! I think you need a little extra education on how we handle killers...."

I got shoved face first into another row of lockers, books spilling out of my hands as I turned to see who was after me now. I saw the Soc pull back his fist and launch it toward my head as I ducked in the nick of time, a reverberating clang sounding next to my ear as his fist met metal. I pushed him away from me at the same time but he only had to step back to regain his balance. I had none of my old strength anymore. A group of students surrounded us so I couldn't escape either. One of his knees met my stomach and I fell to my knees, winded. Suddenly, a pair of familiar boots were next to me, and the sound of fist meeting face was heard. Students scrambled everywhere as a bell rang, leaving me and Two-Bit alone in the hallway.

"You okay, kid?" he took my chin in his hand, searching for damage. There was none, my only received hit being to my midsection. It hurt, but I let it pass. I was getting my wind again, and nodded.

"Yeah, Two-Bit, I'm good. Thanks." I gathered my books and stood up. He walked me to my class and watched me go in before turning to leave.

"Wait for me after math, Ponyboy," were his only words to me the whole way down the hall. He didn't have to say it, I could see the laughter wasn't in his eyes right then, either.

My first class of the day was History. The teacher, Mrs. Norris, usually walks around the room, rapping on any students' desk who's occupant makes the mistake of straying away from the assignment. Doodling and passing notes earned you whacked knuckles, and she was exceptionally good at sneaking up on you, catching you in the act. I had earned my own share of whacks from her, enough to know they hurt. Heaven help you if you fell asleep. Soda had once fallen asleep in here when he was in school, and the red marks on him didn't go away for a few days. Today, though, things were different. She stayed closer to her desk, walking only up to the third seat in each row. I sat in the fifth seat of the fifth row. She kept giving me nervous glances, and not a single soul got whacked with her ruler.

My buddy, James, who sits one row over and one seat up, didn't even acknowledge I was there. He and I usually compare notes, picking up lecture details from each other that the other didn't get. He usually had something to say to me everyday, either before or after class, but today... all I got out of him was a silent nod when I said "hey" to him. That bugged me; it had been two weeks since I last saw him, I thought for sure he'd have something to chat about. It dawned on me then, I was alone in this. My school friends had abandoned me.

Strangers, though - they had no problem coming over to me, asking me questions that weren't their business. Once the bell rang, I headed out to Mr. Syme's English class, one flight up and down the hall. In the stairwell, some tenth grader came up to me as if she were my best friend.

"I heard you were involved in that mess with Bob Sheldon. What happened?"

I just looked at her. Long blond hair swept up in a ponytail, bright blue eyes and flawless complexion. Slender. Had all the right curves in all the right places, too. This gal wouldn't even have given me the time of day if I had begged her on my knees for it if the last two weeks had happened without me falling asleep in the lot. As soon as she spoke, the whole stairwell went quiet, waiting for an answer, an answer I wouldn't give.

"Excuse me," I said, both ignoring her question and everyone's glances, weaving my way through the crowd to get to English.

My concentration, what was left of it anyway, was shot from that point on. Just as in History, my few friends in this class also ignored me, the Soc's in the class sneered at me, and Mr. Syme just eyed me warily. I guess he realized I wasn't some homicidal maniac as I sat there working on the sentence diagrams he was lecturing on. At least he continued to wander the rows of desks like normal. That class ended and I bolted out of there to get to math. Down again to the first floor and middle of the hall. I made it without any hassles, despite the many looks and utterances of "murderer," "hood," and "greaser" that came my way. I had simply shut down and stopped hearing them.

Once I had my math work done and handed in, I gathered all the make up work my morning teachers had given me to complete by Friday and rushed out as soon as the bell rang. I headed out across the compound over to the gym, to my other locker, where I could stash all this stuff and maybe eat the apple Darry tossed me this morning that was still in my pocket. I just wanted to be alone, to not be stared at and asked questions of. I knew the coaches weren't in the building, they always left for lunch. I wasn't very hungry in the first place and figured the apple would be just right. Besides, I didn't have any money anyway to get anything else, even if I was hungry. Just peace and quiet was all I really wanted.

I stored my stuff in my locker and heard a noise behind me. Turning around, a fist connected with my head, leaving me dizzy. Groggily, I hoped he hadn't re-aggravated my concussion, as I really didn't want to spend another week in bed. Whom ever he was, he wasn't alone. They half pulled, half pushed me outside the locker room and out the back gym doors, where I knew no one would come looking. That door faced away from the school and led into a wooded area where the older kids skipped off to make out at. I knew if they got me back there, I was in for a beating, so I struggled as hard as I could. Cursing, kicking and fighting them the whole way.

"You murdering, filthy piece of shit greaser, thinking you can just walk around the school like you own the place. Well, you don't own shit!" That was followed by a solid punch to my jaw. Another one followed that I managed to block. I tried to send an upper cut of my own to the guys face, but the other guy hit me in the lower back, sending me to my knees and from there, it didn't take them long to have me sprawled on the gravely dirt pathway. From a distance, I thought I heard a bell, but I couldn't tell from the ringing in my ears. They kicked and punched until I heard other voices, and knew someone had come.... whether it was to help them or help me, I wasn't sure of. Still, I didn't give up the fight.

XXX

_Great_, I thought, as I looked up and down the hallway. _Darry was gonna skin me. Or Soda. Maybe_ _both. _

I can't find the kid. There was a sea of people in the halls, and he was in here somewhere. Or was supposed to be in here, but I couldn't find him. Ponyboy didn't exactly stand out, either, being that he wasn't as tall as most of the high school crowd. I searched for his bleached blond greased locks and his washed-too-many-times faded blue shirt he had on this morning, but still didn't see him. What I did see was Steve coming up the hall from the other direction, making a bee line for me.

"Where's the kid?" he asked. He saw the look on my face and crossed his arms. "Don't tell me you lost him?"

"Well, it ain't like he's on a leash. I saw him in the hallway just after the bell rang. He was loaded down with books, I figured he'd come here to his locker like we told him to, but he obviously didn't show up." I jerked on the lock on Pony's locker for emphasis.

"Scoot." Steve commanded. I moved out of the way as he turned the dial to spring the lock open. We all knew his combination. At first, it was so we could quickly get him messages that otherwise would take all day to get to him, but then it became a fun way to tease the kid, switching textbooks and notebooks. Kid was smart enough to overcome our little game... until your's truly accidentally took the folder that had his term paper in it... meaning he had to turn it in late, costing him a few points and a badgering from Darry. He never ratted me out, but knew it was me. I've not screwed with his locker since. The lock popped and Steve opened the door, his morning books weren't here; he hadn't come by. Steve shut it again and looked around.

"Did you check the john?" Steve suggested.

"You know as well as I do the greaser john is at the other end of the building. Even he wouldn't use the soc's facilities." The soc's had their own restroom and we had ours. Cardinal rule, don't use the wrong restroom, no matter how bad you had to go. The beating, if caught in the wrong restroom, wasn't worth it.

"Not willingly, anyway," Steve's look was not one I liked. "Come on."

We went over and walked in, my hand gripping my switch in my pocket. Steve was obviously holding his own blade in his jeans pocket too.

"Well, well, well..." said a slick voiced soc standing over by the sinks. "Some grease obviously needs to take a piss real bad to come in here." A stall door opened and another madras -shirted, well -to -do- clown came out.

"Nope, just wanting to see how nice you all got the place decorated," I said.

"Lighting ain't all that, afterall, Two-Bit. Told you they only use forty watt bulbs in here. Let's go." Steve backed up and we left, avoiding the fight that would have happened if we had stayed longer.

I couldn't believe it. Steve... backing down from a fight?

"We could have taken them, Steve," I started, but he cut me off.

"Pony wasn't in there, and I ain't got time for bashing soc's heads in when there are other things more pressing on the agenda, Two-Bit."

Oh yeah, the kid. "Where to now?" I asked.

"Let's check the library, it's on the way to the gym," he said as we walked along. I noticed his pace was more hurried than I've ever seen it. Steve likes the kid, just never wants to show it. "I can't believe he forgot to meet us. Something just ain't right." Was that worry I heard in Steve Randle's voice? Never a good thing. I sped up too.

The library was busy with the geek types – too smart to be greasers yet not rich enough to be soc's, and no common sense between any of them. None of them can fight, either. Easy prey for anyone wanting to blow off a little energy, but they rarely get beat on. Picked on - yes, all the time; but beat on - no. No one really wants to waste time with a nerd. Pony doesn't fit in with these guys, but he does love the library. They all looked up when we walked in, reminding me of a herd of animals when a predator comes on the prairie, and I had to stifle a laugh, remembering what we were here for.

"Seen Ponyboy Curtis?" I asked the closest nerdite. Pony shared at least one class with all these guys, so they all knew him. None associated with him, but they all _knew_ him. The kid shook his head. I scanned the crowd but didn't see him and turned back to Steve. "Let's try the gym."

The bell had rung and the halls started to clear out. We made our way over to the gym building and walked inside, the echo of our shoes squeaking on the smooth hardwood floor. We walked into the locker room and saw Pony's jacket, haphazardly lying on the floor near his locker and groaned.

"Shit, where is he?" Steve had that look in his eyes. Worried, frustrated, antsy... it resembled my own.

Then, in the silence, I heard a noise. It sounded like something getting slammed against a door. We both heard it and took off to find it. As we ran out of the locker room and sprinted across the gym floor, the sounds got louder. Somewhere, someone was getting beat on. It sounded like it was coming from behind the rear doors of the gym. Steve and I both knew that was the perfect place to go take care of your own business and no one would see you unless they were actually looking for you there. We hit those double doors running, and landed right in the middle of Ponyboy and two soc's having a free for all, the kid - being younger, smaller and out of shape, getting the worst of it.

The soc's never expected Steve and me to show up, and the look on their faces as they changed from one of tormentor to tormented was something to behold.

I didn't even stop to crack a joke, even though I had a few going in my head at the time. I just reached over and grabbed the one kicking Pony by the scruff of his neck. With a closed fisted slam to his spine, that dirt bag went down. I figured he liked kicking so much, I'd introduce him to my boots, and proceeded to leave my own indelible marks all over his body until he found his footing and took off around the gym. Steve was exchanging blows with the other soc, until that pansy - ass ran off to join his friend.

Our own defense attack against the soc's on Ponyboy's behalf took such a short amount of time, the kid still wasn't sure who was there or what was going on at first. It also looked like they were using his head as their target. Steve reached down and hauled him to his feet, but Ponyboy came up swinging, not knowing who had him this time.

XXX

"Christ, kid! Watch it! I'm on your side, remember?" I shouted, and the momentum of Pony's swings slowed instantly when it finally got processed in his head that it wasn't more soc's out to get him.

He took a better look at me, still unsure who had him, then grabbed his side as he turned away. I watched him, sizing him up. I didn't see blood and he wasn't collapsing, so I hoped he was alright. Banged up and bruised up, sure... but the kid could handle that.

"You hurt bad, Ponyboy?" Two-Bit asked him, annoying me some. The kid was never gonna get tough like he had to be if everyone kept babying him.

Pony coughed, gripping his side harder as he did so. "Damn soc's," he vented, surprising me. Kid rarely cursed, at least not like this. "I'm fine, Two-Bit. How'd you find me anyway?"

"We told you this morning to meet me at your locker after math class. You weren't there, and you weren't out front either, so we came hunting for you." Two-Bit explained. "What happened?"

I kept looking him over while Two-Bit talked to him, brushing off the dirt and straightening his loose fitting clothes. He'd be sporting an ugly bruise on his jaw soon, and I'm pretty sure a black eye too. No telling what his frame was hiding under his clothes, but I'm sure it wasn't pretty considering how hard that soc was kicking him. Shit, Darry would have a cow, his rumble inflicted bruises had just faded away, too.

"I forgot," Pony answered. That set me off.

"Geez, Ponyboy. There's a reason Darry told you to stay with us. Will you for _once_ do as he said before we have to bury someone else?"

XXX

That was cold, even for Steve, and I just stared at him. Ponyboy had missed the funerals for Johnny and Dallas, still too out of it to make it out of bed, let alone to the cemetery. Soda ended up coming with us, Darry stayed at their house to watch after Ponyboy should he have woken up. To my knowledge, Ponyboy still hasn't gone to their graves. I have to agree with Soda that I don't think he's ready for that yet.

Burying those coffins was the hardest thing I think any of us have had to go through, save the Curtis parent's death's, and the week Pony and Johnny went missing. I could tell the minute those words left Steve's lips, he wished he'd never said them. He locked his hands behind his head and looked to the blue sky above, muttering curse words we all could hear.

"Sorry, kid. I didn't mean it," he paused a moment, then a look came over his face. "Well, hell, maybe I did. Look, kid, those soc's ain't looking for a fight, they're looking for revenge...."

Steve kept up his tirade, but he was wasting his breath. Ponyboy wasn't listening. He rubbed his side where he'd been hit the hardest. I sort of expected him to start... well, _bawling _some... at least turn red or start shaking; the usual reaction he had when he gets in a jam this bad, but he had nothing. Zero response. He was so apathetic that it frightened me. An unemotional Ponyboy was just as worrisome as an unconscious Ponyboy, and by now I was plenty worried. It reminded me.... of Dallas. I touched Steve's arm and he looked at me. I shook my head slightly, not taking my eyes off the kid. Steve stopped and looked at the kid harder.

"Come on, Pony. Let's get you cleaned up. Wanna cut class for the rest of the day?" I offered.

He headed for the gym door. "I got a spare shirt in my locker, and no, I ain't cutting class."

We followed him into the gym locker room where his other locker was and changed his shirt. When he took off the faded blue shirt he wore, I could see at least a dozen angry red marks that by tomorrow would be purple bruises dotting his slender chest, abdomen and sides. Darry was just gonna go ape-shit if he saw this, and I had no doubt he would. Once he was changed and cleaned up, Steve cleared his throat.

"Well, lets go grab lunch," he pulled his keys out of his pocket and headed for the door.

"I ain't hungry, and besides, lunch period is about over." Pony headed back to the main building, and I knew this was a losing battle. The kid was not going to eat. I looked at Steve and shook my head, running to catch up to the kid. All I kept thinking was, Darry was gonna kill us.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	4. Emotions In Hiding

**Case For Concern**

Chapter 4

**Emotions In Hiding**

XXX

I drove home with an aching back and tired body, hoping things had gone well for Ponyboy today. All day long at work, he was the only thing on my mind. I worried more than I should have - I knew the guys would keep an eye out for him. He couldn't take much more though ... mentally or physically. That absent look on his face with his sudden cocky -and -getting- cockier attitude of his was not the brother I knew. It reminded me of someone else, someone I hoped he wasn't trying to become.

I wished he'd break, for once just wanting him to let it out. It's what he should have done almost two weeks ago, but didn't. My thoughts wandered back to that day when he woke up and I was alone with him, telling him about how upset everyone had been. I could tell that was the instant he remembered Johnny and Dally were dead, that it registered in his brain without the fog of illness clouding his mind. He lay there staring at the ceiling when I saw his eyes soften and his cheeks flush. Then, as unexpected as a rainstorm on a clear day, his jaw muscle jumped as he dived into himself, closing down as that fog settled over him. He had changed the subject, and any further discussion of either Johnny or Dally was over. Except for court, he still hadn't mentioned them. He needed to get it out, but now it was so buried deep within him, I didn't know how to even start digging without causing a cave in.

"I'm home," I tiredly called out as I opened the door. I could smell baked chicken mixed with BBQ sauce coming from the kitchen. I peeked in, but no one was there. There was a bowl of mac and cheese and another with sweet peas sitting on the counter, foil over them both to keep them warm; and on the stove was the baked chicken. The cook, however, was nowhere in sight.

"Ponyboy?" I went down the hall to his room where light glimmered out from under the door frame. I paused a moment but heard nothing, so I cracked the doorway open and looked in. He was sprawled on his bed, his hand resting on his notebook with a pencil still woven in his fingers, asleep. Two of his textbooks lay open above his head, propped up on his and Soda's pillows. I smiled, at least he was trying. I went over to his bedside and sat on the bed next to him, brushing the bleached blond hair from his forehead. He swallowed but didn't wake. I reached across him to take the pencil from his hand - that's when I saw the bruise, and leaned in closer for a better look. His temple and jawline both had evidence of a recent fight. A _very_ recent fight. _Caring brother_ mode went out the window, _protect youngest _mode went on alert.

"Ponyboy," I called stronger, shaking his shoulder. "Pony, wake up." His eyes fluttered open and he lifted his head, looking at me. Then he drew himself up to sit at the foot of the bed, away from me.

"Hey, Darry, how was work?" he yawned and looked around.

"Work was fine. What happened to you?"

"Whaddya mean?" Pony rubbed his side, looking at me, confused.

"Your_ face_, Ponyboy. What Mack truck hit you? And where were the guys while this was going on?"

He looked blank at first, then he nodded his head. "Oh _this_? That's just the soc's welcoming me back to school, that's all. No sweat."

I just looked at him, skepticism all over me. "And the guys? Where were they?"

"They showed up to help."

" 'They showed up...'? You were supposed to stay with them! This should never have happened. I thought they'd watch you better than this." I couldn't help feeling pissed.

"Darry, you can't put me in a bubble, and they can't sit at my side all day. They have their own classes to go to, remember? Shit happens. This wasn't Steve's or Two-Bit's fault. Let it go."

I looked at him. He'd never been so smart with me before. I wanted to ask him who he was and what the hell he did with my brother, but all I could come up with was something much lamer. Besides, the last time I let my anger out at him, I nearly lost him.

"Pony, stop swearing. It ain't you."

He looked at me, then reached for his pencil and notebook. His thin arms sticking out from his once well-fitting shirt reminded me of other issues he had.

"Ready for dinner?" I'd noticed nothing seemed to have been eaten yet.

"I got to get this work done." He settled back to resume his homework, but I whacked him once on his rear end – just like how we used to kid around when we were younger. He, however, turned to glare at me when I did so.

"You can work on it later. Come eat first." I got up and headed for the door, just in time to hear his newest favorite saying.

"I ain't hungry. You go on ahead."

"Did you even have lunch?" Something told me he hadn't. The scowl on his face confirmed it. "Ponyboy....." I sighed. How do I get him to understand he _had_ to eat? "Look, Pone. Enough's enough. You. Table. Now." I hated using my "command" voice just to get him to the table, but nothing else worked.

He rolled his eyes but got up and went to the table. I gave him a glass of milk and poured myself some juice. I brought the food out and sat it in front of him, watching as he scooped himself something to eat. It wasn't much, but he got it down. A half hour later when it was still down, I felt better. Another ten minutes and he was back to doing his homework. Around nine, I heard him scuffling around his room and he wordlessly went to get ready for bed. Thirty minutes more and the lights were off in his room, and the house was quiet again.

Normally, the gang would be over playing cards, two guys would be wrestling on my floor and Pony and Johnny would be out on the steps smoking and star gazing. Now all that was over with. A pall had settled over the house and I didn't know when anyone would even smile again. The pieces of what was left was not a pretty picture to behold. I finished the dishes and made Soda a plate, sticking it in the oven, then went to check on Ponyboy.

"Hey, you okay, Pone?" I quietly called into the dark room.

His steady breathing was the only answer I got. I couldn't tell if he was really asleep or was faking, just so he wouldn't have to talk to me, but I took the hint and closed the door. I went on to my room and changed into my night clothes and got ready for bed, hearing the door open and shut as I finished.

"So, anyway, this blond bomb drives up and gives me this look, and I ain't stupid or nothing....."

He sees me in the shadow of the hallway and cuts his story off, and I'm mildly amused and curious to know what he did with the blond bomb...but seeing Steve behind Soda reminds me of more pressing matters.

"Soda, dinner's in the oven. Steve, lets have a chat, shall we?"

"I take it you saw the kid, then?" he asked as he searched my fridge for something.

"Just... tell me what happened." I was already perturbed enough. Soda looked at me, then at Steve.

"What happened to Ponyboy?" Soda asked.

"Got jumped at school," he answered while swirling one of Two-Bit's beers he took from my fridge.

Soda looked at Steve with a look of confusion, then went down the hall to their bedroom. Secrets were rare between my brother and his best friend, I wondered why Steve didn't tell Soda what had happened. I heard Soda's muffled voice mingling with Pony's slightly higher pitch and turned my attention back to Steve.

I sat at the table and Steve followed suit. He told me what Two-Bit told him of Pony getting roughed up at his locker first thing in the morning, then the both of them finding him behind the gym at lunch, tangling with those soc's.

"Darry, honest, man... we told him to meet us. When he wasn't there, we went looking for him. They didn't rough him up too badly... at least I don't think they did. I didn't see blood or nothing on him. He was losing big time, but he gave it all he had. Two-Bit and me evened things up for him. He was up and walking after the fight, although I'm sure his side's gotta be hurting him bad by now."

I looked at Steve. "His side? Why would his side be hurting him?" The only bruises I saw where to his face.

"From getting kicked so much. That one guy was going at him like he was a soccer ball in a championship match. You mean you haven't seen him?"

I had a sinking feeling in my gut. Pony got his concussion from being kicked in the head. I got up and went to the bedroom, finding Soda sitting on the bed by Pony, rubbing circles on his back. I flipped on the desk lamp and kneeled next to him by the bed.

"Pony, come on, kid. Open your eyes, I know you're not sleeping." He opened them and looked at me, his face expressionless. "Sit up," I took his shoulder and helped him up, Soda just looking at me, not saying a word. "Take your shirt off, let me see the damage." Now Soda looked even more concerned.

"I ain't hurt _that_ bad, Darry. You're making a mountain out of a mole hill. Really!" His protests were ignored.

"Shirt. Off. Now."

Pony looked at Soda, but for once Soda said nothing - just stared at him, waiting. Pony sighed and pulled off his shirt, exposing at least a dozen half-dollar sized bruises all over him.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" I asked him, feeling his ribs for anything broken.

"Cause they're just a bunch of bruises, and it's no big deal."

I didn't feel anything broken on his right side but as I pressed on his left, he jerked away.

"I told you, I ain't hurt. I ain't got any broken ribs, Darry. Stop mother-henning me." Ponyboy pulled away and lay back down, forgetting his shirt. He rolled onto his stomach and hugged his pillow, turning his head away from me.

I looked at Soda, but he just gave me a sad concerned look then turned his gaze back to Pony. I left them alone, knowing Soda stood a better chance at getting him to open up than I did, and he certainly wouldn't do so if I were in the room. I got up and went back to the kitchen, sitting by Steve again at the table.

"He didn't eat either, did he?" I quietly asked, continuing from earlier.

"We tried. If we'd had more time instead of having to hunt him down and even the score up some, we might have been more successful. Kid okay?"

I thought about it. No, he's not okay. He's far from it. He's not eating and he's talking back. He's holding back emotion that he needs to let out. But, I can't say that to Steve. "He'll be fine. Help yourself to dinner if you're staying. I'm going to bed."

I got up and left Steve there, pausing by Pony and Soda's door as I went down the hall. Soda was murmuring to Pony, having one of those conversations I was never a part of. I again hoped Pony would at least open up to Soda. I went across the hall and got the bottle of Motrin, rattling it to get Soda's attention. He looked at me and nodded, and I sat the bottle on their dresser, just inside the door. He'd give Pony two of them... with those bruises, I had to agree with Steve; he had to be hurting some. Then I went on to bed. What a night.

XXX

"**NO! GOD DAMN IT! LEMME LONE! STOP!**"

Screams from Pony woke me up, my feet already flying before I had them both on the floor. He was still screaming his protest against something only seen in his mind's eye when I barreled into his room. I flipped on the lights to see what was going on. Soda had him in an embrace, one arm around his chest, the other around his head, Soda's palm resting on Pony's forehead. He was talking low, directly in his ear, soothing stuff that I couldn't make out, but at least the thrashing had stopped. The blankets were flung off the bed and the sheet lay tangled tightly around his legs. I looked at him closer, the bright overhead light burning my retina's, blinding me a second. When things got back into focus, I noticed Ponyboy was drenched in sweat and shaking uncontrollably.

"Ponyboy, you awake yet?" I cooed as I knelt by his bed for the second time in four hours. He didn't open his eyes, but nodded his head as he lay cradled in Soda's arms. "No one's gonna hurt you." I looked at Soda and nodded, and he unwrapped his arm from Pony's head and loosened his other arm from his chest. Pony sank limply in to the soaking wet sheets, still panting heavy but calming down. The shaking had stopped for the most part. Only his hands deceived him of the fright he still possessed..

"You're okay now, Ponyboy." Soda softly called to him. "You're at home, safe, with Darry and me."

I felt his forehead - he wasn't hot. I guessed the sweat was from all his bottled up emotions – topped off by being jumped earlier. Judging by the drenched state of the sheets, he was still plenty worked up about it. At least his body was acknowledging emotions he wouldn't admit to having. The stress was gonna do him in. Sweat was still beading off him, running in rivers down his face, arms and chest.

"Can you get up? We gotta change these sheets," I pulled him up and he opened his eyes, anxiety showing in his glance, then he swallowed and his look changed.

"Sorry to wake you. I'll get the bed, you go on. I know you got work in the morning."

His tone was dry and unconcerned. I tried to reach up to push his sweaty locks back but he got up before I could move fast enough. Soda got out of bed and began pulling the sheets from the mattress while Pony changed out of his sweaty clothes to put on dry ones. I stood up and caught Soda's glance. He gave me a nod and I shook my head, going over to the hall closet to get a set of clean sheets and handed them to Soda.

"I'll get him back to bed, Darry. Don't worry bout it." Soda mumbled to me, the weariness obvious in his voice.

I looked over at Ponyboy, who was flipping and smoothing the fresh sheets down. "You okay now, Ponyboy?" I called to him.

He looked up at me and nodded. "I'm fine. Night, Darry."

I watched him another second as Soda replaced the blankets. They got back in their bed and I flipped the switch for them, darkness again flooding the house.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	5. Bread And Donuts

This chapter contains quotes from The Outsiders, written by S.E. Hinton. I own nothing from The Outsiders and make no profit from either the book or my stories using the characters she created.

Thanks to Samaryley for her awesome help.

Calla Lilly Rose

**Case For Concern**

Chapter 5

**Bread And Donuts**

Egg shells lay in a heap on the counter when I stumbled into the kitchen that morning, a few short hours after Pony's nightmare. Cooked eggs lay in plates on the counter, a pile of bacon sat in a crispy heap on a plate of their own. I had a piece and grimaced, it was cold, cooked at _least _an hour ago. It was already getting that rubbery texture to it. I felt a cool breeze and looked up. The back door was ajar, and from the window I could see Pony's thin outline sitting in the oak tree facing the east, waiting, I assumed, on the sunrise. A small orange glow erupted next to him as he obviously took a drag on his smoke, then let it out. He leaned his head back and seemed to relax, balancing himself on that low branch as if it were a recliner. The hand holding the cigarette rested on his bent knee. The calm he now possessed in stark contrast to the terrified kid he was last night.

A glimmer of orange appeared on the horizon as the sun finally made its way to our part of the Earth, and I watched him watching it. I wished I could read his thoughts, know what he was thinking right now... what he was feeling. He sat up as the sky began to brighten, and as the darkness turned to gray, a hint of the approaching blue hues in the sky began to appear. He hopped out of the tree and turned back toward the house. I turned also, heading back to the kitchen to put the bacon in the oven, to see if I could undue the staleness time had done to the food.

"Hey, Darry," he said to me as he came back into the kitchen.

"Morning, Ponyboy. How long have you been up?"

He hitched his thumbs in his jeans and looked around. "An hour or so, I guess. I already made breakfast."

"Thanks, little buddy." I looked at the clock. "An hour ago, huh? That doesn't leave you with a lot of rest. You feeling better? How's your side?" I knew those bruises had to be pretty ugly this morning. The one on his jaw stood out worse with his hair bleached and his skin so pale.

"I'm fine, Darry," he said, acting mildly annoyed at my questions. He turned and went back to the living room.

"Did you at least eat yet?" I called after him.

"Yeah, I ate," he yelled back.

I looked around, but didn't see any dirty plates or bowls, and I highly doubted he washed his dishes, dried them then put them away while leaving egg shells laying in a heap on the counter.

"_What_ did you eat?" I called out again, hiding the distrust I couldn't help but feel.

His head poked around the door frame. "An egg. Hard boiled. Sorry, I guess I left the shells on the counter." He picked up the sponge and the trashcan, sweeping the shells into the can in one movement before putting the can back down and leaving the kitchen again.

"You wanna go wake Soda for me?" I called out.

Silence.

"Ponyboy?"

I went around the corner to see the front door open, and Pony leaning on the fence, smoking again. I shook my head and went down the hall.

"Soda, hey Sodapop. Time to get up."

"Geez, Darry. Where's your snooze button? Gimme five more minutes, at least," he turned over and pulled the covers up.

"Look, breakfast is already older than the daylight. I'm reheating the bacon, but it's time for you to get up. What time are you working today?"

"I'll get off at five. Steve's taking over from five till close." His sleepy voice droned out from under the blankets.

I paused a moment looking at him snoozing. "You get anything out of Pony last night that I don't know about yet?"

That seemed to wake him up. He sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, yawning.

"Nothing much, just that the friends he had before don't seem to want much to do with him now. He said it wasn't any big deal, but I could tell he was bummed about it."

"Steve didn't mention anything at work yesterday, about him getting jumped?"

Soda looked at me and shook his head.

"Nope. Said Pony had been in a scuffle early in the morning... I guess that was the mess at his locker, but didn't mention anything else. You don't think it messed up his concussion again, do ya?"

"I dunno, Sodapop. I just wish I could get him to open up. You're the one he talks to..."

Soda cut me off. "I ain't his only brother, Darry. Why don't you go give it a shot at unlocking his mysteries for a change. It ain't as hard as it looks. You just gotta to listen to him." Soda flung back the covers and got out of bed, obviously annoyed with me. "If you spent a little more time trying to understand him instead of just expecting him to forget everything bad that's happened to him in the past, you'd probably get along better with him." He stripped out of his clothes and reached for a towel, wrapping it around himself. "And he might just learn to open up to you, too."

"I know, Sodapop. I know."

Soda looked at me a moment longer, hammering his palm on the door frame while he took in his own words, then disappeared into the bathroom. I heard the taps squeak as they were turned on, and went to find Ponyboy again.

He was still leaning over the fence, staring out into the distance when I came outside. The neighborhood was waking up, cars were headed up and down the street and pretty soon, Two-Bit and Steve would be coming by to pick Ponyboy up for school. I leaned over the fence too, listening to the the noises of the neighborhood.

I didn't know what to say to him, to get him to understand I really _did_ care – we'd lost that connection so long ago. Now I came across overly critical no matter what I said or did, and nothing seemed to make any difference. Maybe it was his age, maybe it was mine. I don't even remember what it was like to be fourteen, and twenty was already feeling mighty old. I looked over at him, that baby face hiding the man he'd become one day. All I wanted was for him to have a chance at that brass ring that evaded everyone else here.

"Look, I know you're tired and all, just try to do your best. I want you to eat lunch today. No excuses. Stay with the guys between breaks... and I seriously want you to cut back on your smoking."

"I'll be fine, Darry." He took another drag from his dying stick without looking at me. "I'm sure the 'Ponyboy Patrol' will keep an eye out for me."

"I only asked them to watch your back for a while. You're still not in shape and you know it. I said that before the rumble, and I was right. Forgive me for being concerned about you." I tried really hard to keep the disdain from my voice. '_I told you so_' wouldn't help him now no matter how right I was.

He shuffled his feet and looked down when I said the word 'rumble,' and I wished again that I could read his mind. He wore that emotionless mask too much, I worried what was going on behind it.

"Pony, I know you haven't said anything about it, but... well, whenever you want to go see Johnny and Dally's graves... just let me ..."

"I don't wanna go see them," he cut me off, flicked the butt of his cigarette over the fence into the street then abruptly turned and headed for the house, leaving me at the fence. I figured he wasn't really ready for that yet, but I hoped maybe by mentioning it, he would open up some. Break down, perhaps. Anything. Something had to give,_ sometime_. My stretched patience with him was wearing _me _down.

A car pulled up and Steve and Two-Bit got out.

"Morning Darry! Waiting on some pretty morning jogger to come prancing up your street?"

He waggled his eyebrows at me, and I had to shake my head. "The only thing that prances up this street are all the stray dogs and cats. Morning Steve, Two-Bit. Come on in and have some rubbery bacon. Pony made it.... hours ago."

"That's alright. I already had my fill of shoe leather this morning." Steve grinned as we went inside. "Soda!" he barked.

"In here," Soda answered from his room. Steve went down the hall to see him while Two-Bit ate what few pieces of bacon were left.

They wasted a few minutes of time, then Two-Bit called Ponyboy out of the bathroom, his hair greased and combed, and they all got up to go.

"See ya Darry." Steve called while following Two-Bit out to his car. I watched them get in, Pony riding in the backseat. Steve drove off, and I hoped today would be better.

XXX

Two-Bit spent more time hanging with me this morning, guess he didn't want to leave me alone at my locker again, fearing a repeat of yesterday. It bugged me. I just wanted things to be _normal _again. My breath suddenly hitched in my chest as I realized everything, _everything _I knew as normal really was gone. Johnny... gone. Dallas.... gone. Even going to the movies for a fun night out was over. I mean, I already _knew_ it, but what it _really_ meant just hit me all of a sudden. The finality of it.

I had to reach out and grab the shelf in my locker, one hand on it, the other over my chest as my heart sped up then slowed down as I thought about this. I felt a little dizzy for a second, then wiped away the sweat that suddenly appeared on my face with a somewhat shaky hand. Two-Bit, who had been next to me yapping about something that I wasn't paying attention to, suddenly stopped and looked at me.

"Hey, kid. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Two-Bit. Just thinking about how much homework I have to do to catch up."

"Homework. Yeah, right. My ass." He looked closer at me. "I bet you didn't eat this morning, did you?"

I looked at him from the side, but didn't deny it. Darry may have bought my egg story, but I knew better than to think Two-Bit would. I just wasn't hungry - at all. Everything tasted lousy. Why was that so hard for everyone to understand?

"Figured. Here, eat this." He pulled a thick chunk of something wrapped in saran wrap out of his coat pocket. I looked at him. "It's banana bread. Mom made it. Go on, or I'm gonna tell Darry you lied about breakfast."

"What happened to being a buddy, Two-Bit?" I scowled at him. Why he was carrying around a hunk of banana bread in his coat pocket was a question I'd save for later.

He grabbed his chest, mocking me. "I helped save your neck twice yesterday; if anything, you owe _me_ one. Now get that down your gullet like I said."

I smelled it, and I had to admit - it did smell good. His mother was a surprisingly good cook for being a bar maid. I took a bite and nearly collapsed into my locker. I guess the look on my face was comical, cause Two-Bit started laughing.

"Hell, kid, it's banana bread.... not sex. It ain't _that_ good."

I just smiled, shoving more of that sticky concoction in my mouth. I hadn't really eaten in days, except what little Darry had forced me to eat, and this was heaven. I washed it down with a gulp of water from the fountain by the lockers, and felt better than I had in a while. The bell rang, and Two-Bit handed me my books.

"Come on, kid. Time to get you to class, fill up that noggin with smarts. You meet me here, at your locker, after third period for lunch. No skipping out this time. Got me?"

"Yeah, Two-Bit. I'll be at my locker after third period. See ya." He dropped me off at my class and I went on to my seat.

XXX

The soc's eyeballed me all day, and I had lots of whispers taunted in my direction... I had gotten so used to it, I was able to block it out and just do my work. As long as they didn't lay a hand on me, I was fine. I noticed as I walked the halls between the first few classes of the morning, more greasers seemed to be around than normal. I'm in the upper level classes, what these guys were doing hanging in the halls near Advanced Algebra and American History instead of at Shop and Auto Mechanics was beyond me. I wondered who asked them to be there, having a gut feeling it was for my benefit. I wasn't _totally_ oblivious afterall.

When the lunch bell rang, I waited for Two-Bit at my locker like he told me to.

"Hey grease." A thick voice called from behind me as a strong hand gripped my shoulder. It scared me, but this time I acted on my fear before I even had a chance to process it. I took my elbow and, just as Darry and Soda had shown me a long time ago, sent it sailing backwards into whomever was behind me. I hit him somewhere in the chest...of that I was certain, then turned to see who it was. I wasn't strong enough to do any real damage, but my elbow was sort of sharp and the guy behind me definitely hadn't been expecting it.

"Shit, kid. You _ever_ do that again, I'll fucking bash your skull in." One of Tim's guys, old enough to be a junior, dumb enough to be a freshman, was rubbing his chest. He gave me a justified push back into my locker, not enough to hurt me, just enough to say hello. "I was just trying to be sociable. What the hell was that for?"

"Yeah, well 'sociable' was what you came off as, and I've 'bout had my fill of being snuck up on this week. Name's Ponyboy. Sorry 'bout my elbow."

"Yeah, I know who you are," he said smiling. "Well, I see your guards are here. See ya around, kid."

Steve and Two-Bit came over, greeting my outgoing new 'friend' with a bop of each others knuckles as they passed each other in the hall.

"I see you met Joe," Steve said to me.

"Who authorized the full blown school protection?" I asked.

"Whacha talking about?" Steve asked as we headed to his car.

"I ain't_ that_ blind or stupid. I've noticed a few folks out of place all morning."

"See, Steve, I told you the kid is smarter than he looks." Two-Bit grinned happily.

"Just a few friends of a few friends helping us out, kid. Don't sweat it. They won't be around for long."

I wasn't sure if I minded this or not. I felt like it was just postponing the inevitable, meaning I had to dread it longer. This nonsense had to stop, I just wasn't sure how. Steve pulled up to the sandwich shop, and we all got out and went inside. I grabbed a Pepsi and a candy bar... but Two-Bit took the chocolate out of my hand, replacing it with a turkey and ham sandwich.

"I'll make a deal with you. You eat this, and I'll make sure to give you the rest of mom's banana bread later, okay?"

I looked at it, not really wanting it, but I remembered that sweet heaven from this morning. "Deal."

Steve paid for the food and he and Two-Bit found some girls to goof off with at the tables they had inside. I preferred the quiet - and it was a nice day, so I took the sandwich and Pepsi outside and ate on the hood of Steve's car. The warm sun feeling good for a change, despite the cool temperature.

There weren't too many people around, which was unusual for this time of day, as greasers skipping school – either for lunch or for the remainder of the day -could be found here in droves hanging around. So, I sat back and ate the sandwich and nursed the Pepsi while watching the clouds float on by. Eventually I became aware of the low hum of a Mustang pulling closer. I looked up and saw three soc's getting out. I slowly made my way off the hood, watching them as they spread out some, forming a semi-circle a few feet away from me.

XXX

I watched Pony eating his sandwich and slurping on that Pepsi from a booth inside the sandwich shop, glad for once that he was eating something. His brothers had been worrying their heads off about him, and to be honest, even I was starting to feel a twinge of concern. He really hadn't put on any weight, beginning to take on a scrawny look about him, and I thought for sure that soc had broken at least one of his ribs yesterday considering how hard he was getting kicked. But...he stayed up after I got him back on his feet. I remembered from the rumble when I ended up getting three busted ribs... okay, one busted - the other two badly bruised, but three sounded tuffer at the time - and how it hurt like hell. I could barely move, and breathing was rough. The kid didn't look anything like I had, so I figured he was okay.

As for not telling Soda, for once I just didn't want him to worry. He was gonna get an ulcer worrying about that kid brother of his all the time, and for the last two weeks, that's all he's done. Worry, worry worry. Sandy...that slut. She only added to his misery for that week, getting herself knocked up with some other guys kid. I still can't believe Soda was willing to stay with her. Sure, I love Evie and all, but if she ever did that to me, well... I ain't into all that.

"Are you even listening to me, Steve?" Evie was chirping in my ear, bringing me out of my thoughts. She pulled me by my shirt collar into the opposite seat so I couldn't see out the front anymore, and took my old seat.

"Sure am, doll. You were wanting to get a job at the diner in town, but didn't want to work evening shift because of all the kiddies coming in. I'm listening.... go on."

Okay, I _wasn't _listening. My eyes looked at her full red lips while my hand was slowly inching up her leg, but hanging out at the Curtis house, I have learned to grab enough of every conversation to have input when it was necessary. I was beginning to wonder where I could ditch Two-Bit and the kid so Evie and I could further examine her ...employment options … when she went frigid on me. I took my eyes from the fringe on her blouse and looked at her face. She was staring straight out the window over my shoulder with a seriousness I rarely saw. I followed her gaze.

"Shit," I mumbled low. "Two-Bit!" I called two booths over, where he was … practicing his own non-verbal communication skills with Kelly, a greaser girl I'd seen around school. She was well endowed and half the guys at school were laying bets as to whether she stuffed or not. I'd have to ask later what the answer was to see if I won any money, but right now, there were more pressing matters. Ponyboy was about to get his ass beat. Again.

"Crap. When did they pull up?" he asked, jumping over Kelly out of the booth. I got up and we headed to the door, but something nagged at me and I held Two-Bit back with my arm.

"Hold on. I wanna see what happens first."

"Whaddya mean, you wanna see? Kid's gonna get creamed."

"Naah, he might take a hit or two, but we'll get there before any real damage gets done. Hold on."

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I slowly creaked the door open so the stupid cow bell above the door didn't clang, and listened as the soc's taunted him. Without taking his eyes off the three guys trying to surround him, he slowly slid off the hood of my car and stood there. He wasn't shaking, he never even showed fear. I wasn't even sure who he was, because it sure wasn't the Ponyboy Curtis I knew.

I watched him break his Pepsi bottle on the wheel well of my car then stood his ground. He didn't even flinch. I glanced at Two-Bit, he was every bit as stunned as I was. Then we both did a double take when we heard the kid speak. His words were clear and strong, and I had never, _never_ heard him be so defiant before.

"I ain't afraid of you no more. I've seen more death than any of you can possibly dream about. You don't scare me, and I've had about all I'm gonna take from you guys."

My eyes just about bugged out of my head when I actually watched him step toward them, that busted bottle held firmly in his hand.

"I mean it, you get back into your car or you'll get split."

David versus Goliath. David won, or in this case, Ponyboy. Same difference. The soc's got back into their car and sent up a cloud of dirt as they drove out of the parking lot. I stood there stunned as Two-Bit went out ahead of me.

"Steve?" Evie was trying to get my attention again, but right now, the kid had it. I looked at him, mixed emotions going through me. A tiny bit of pride wanted to come up. I knew he had it in him to defend himself on his own, just no one expected it right now. He was never chicken before, but it was well known he wasn't one that liked to fight. Soda would have loved to have seen this, and no amount of telling him what happened could replace his actually _witnessing_ it. Still, I didn't want the kid to get tough past the point that he lost who he was. It's a fine line, I just hoped the kid could manage the balancing act. He is, after all, headed in directions the rest of us could only dream of... provided we can get him there.

Two-Bit apparently felt the same way. He was still talking to the kid when I came up.

"...You're not like the rest of us, and don't try to be..."

Two-Bit spoke the words I felt … that we all felt... but didn't know how to say. Ironic... the funny man gets the serious stuff too. I suppose the kid would have taken it better from Two-Bit rather than anyone else anyway. I'm not even sure he really understood; he was too busy picking up the glass from his busted Pepsi to pay attention. As he passed by me to put the glass in the trash, I saw his eyes... a little bit of the old Ponyboy was beginning to come through again. He still had a ways to go, but it was there... and that's all we needed. I turned and went back to the store.

"You taking me out tonight?" Evie asked me as I picked up another Pepsi from the cooler.

"Can't. I gotta work. Tomorrow?"

She nodded with a smile. "Pick me up at seven."

I gave her a kiss and headed out to my car, handing Pony the cold drink. "Here, welcome back, kid."

He looked at me with his eyebrows curled into a question.

"Where'd I go?" he asked.

Two-Bit and I looked at each other and smiled.

"Only you can answer that," Two-Bit chuckled. "Come on, time to get back to school before we miss the whole afternoon!" Two-Bit held the car door open for the kid to climb inside. The engine roared to life, and I spun a donut turning around in the parking lot. Looking in the rear view, I noticed the kid had a smile on his face as I straightened out and drove off. I had to admit, it was good seeing that again.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	6. Defiance

**A Case For Concern**

Chapter 6

**Defiance**

XXX

My house was all lit up again, lights glowing everywhere. I sighed as I pulled the key out of the ignition and grabbed my tool belt from the seat next to me, wondering how many _more _times I'd have to ask_ nicely_ before I'd have to resort to head- locking the offender just to get the lights off in empty rooms. I doubted it'd do any good, wondering if maybe taking the bulb out of the socket was a better approach. This thought made me grin, holding the bulbs for ransom might just get their attention.

I didn't bother to call out, "I'm home," like I usually do, no one would hear me. For the first time in weeks, the TV was on, as was the stereo; naturally with no one around either appliance. I turned the TV off then turned to the stand holding the stereo, where the music was on much louder than it really needed to be. That, or maybe I was getting old. Naa, it was too loud. I turned the music down, earning sour looks from both guys as I entered the kitchen.

Two-Bit was there, his face all animated with whatever story he was going on about. Soda was letting the food burn listening to him talk; his back to the stove, spatula frozen in his hand. I took the spatula and flipped the cheese sandwiches, listening in on Two-Bit's story.

"The look on his face - you had to be there to see it, but I _swear_, he was ready to take them all on. Steve and me were there, we wouldn't have let him get hurt, but honestly - I'd never _seen_ him like that before. You'd have been proud of him... Dally would've gotten one hell of a kick out of it, that's for sure."

"What are you going on about now, Two-Bit?" I got a can of mushroom soup down to have with the sandwiches, hoping Pony would at least eat some without my having to force it down his throat.

"Shhh, Darry, we don't want the kid to hear us." Two-Bit spat at me, a grin on his face.

"Two-Bit was telling me more about what Steve was talking about when he showed up for work tonight. Apparently, Ponyboy stood down three soc's with just a broken pop bottle. I wish I could have been there to see it."

"_Three_ socials?" I asked skeptically. Something told me this story was embellished a bit. "Was he hurt?" Something just didn't sound right about that story, but my brother's health was more my concern if he had been in yet another fight.

"Yes,_ three_. And no, like I told Soda, they turned tail and left when he took a step toward them with that bottle. The look on his face was serious... he was really gonna do some damage if they tried anything. I guess they were expecting the same kid they attacked that night."

Two-Bit got quiet as I think we all remembered that night, which really wasn't so long ago.

"Where's Ponyboy, anyway?" I quietly asked as I poured the milk in with the soup.

"He's in his room, doing his homework." Soda said as he got down the plates for the sandwiches. "Mr. Syme's gave him some assignment instead of trying to overload him with make up work to pull his grade up. I don't understand it, something about a theme he has to do. He ain't too thrilled about it."

The soup started to boil and I took the pot off the burner. "Two-Bit, did he eat lunch?"

"Yeah, a thick sandwich and a Pepsi." His voice descended to new levels of low next. "By the way, you may want to eat breakfast _with him_ for a while, just to make sure he's actually getting something down."

I turned to look him in the face. "He told me he ate, said he had an egg. Left the shells on the counter, even."

"Uh huh. Don't y'all usually eat eggs in the morning?" Two-Bit just cocked an eyebrow at me... damn, I'm so gullible sometimes.

"You staying for dinner, Two-Bit?" Soda asked him as he tossed his keys in the air, catching them over and over again.

"Can't. Gotta watch my sis while mom heads off to make the big bucks."

"You could always help her out, ya know," I reminded him.

Two-Bit smiled at me. "Hey, I don't charge a thing for making sure she's at home with her teeth brushed and her pajamas on by ten o'clock at night."

"Ten?" Soda asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Hey, she doesn't give me a hassle about it, and mom's none the wiser." He looked at his watch and got his coat. "This is for Ponyboy, he'll know what it's for." He set a brown brick wrapped in saran wrap down on the table, then turned to go.

"What is it?" I asked.

"My end of a deal we made. Don't worry, Darry, it's just banana bread - or what's left of the loaf my mom made. I gave the kid a chunk of it this morning.... since his non-existent breakfast wasn't tiding him over." He cocked that eyebrow again and I rolled my eyes. At least Two-Bit got him to eat something. Two-Bit shut the front door behind him and I went to get Ponyboy for dinner.

"Pone?" I tapped on his door.

"Yeah?" Came his voice from the other side.

I opened it to see him once again sprawled on the bed, books open and pencil feverishly scribbling something down in his notebook. He looked over at me.

"Dinner's ready."

His pencil stopped and leaned like the tower of Pisa in his hand. It was like he was debating what to say next.

"Okay." He put the pencil in the fold of his book and got up, squeezing past me at the door headed to the table.

I watched him, for once no tug of war over a simple dinner. He sat down and looked at the sandwich, pushing the plate away some to reach his soup bowl better. He crushed the crackers until they were the consistency of dust, then started to eat.

"What's this about a theme you have to do?"

He looked up at me. "Mr. Syme's wants me to hand in a semester theme to get my grade back to passing."

"On what?"

"What ever I want it to be on."

"I can take you to the library after dinner, if you want. Start getting some research done."

"Won't do any good. He wants it to be from me, my own writing. No references."

That was unusual. I sat up more and looked at him. "Picked a topic yet?"

He shook his head.

"Try to get started on it tonight, before you go to bed. If it's the only thing to get your grade back up, it had better be good. Got me?"

"Yeah, I got ya."

"Eat your sandwich, Pony."

His eyes were the only thing that moved. They looked right at me, while his head stayed tilted toward the soup. "No."

"Ponyboy..."

"Darry, he ate the soup. Let it go, please?"

I looked at Soda, the expression on his face was pleading. I gave in. "Fine. But I want you in your room doing homework as soon as you're done with that soup."

I reached over and took his sandwich, eating it while simmering about Pony's new attitude. This cocky shit was getting out of hand. If he were a few years younger, I'd have had him over my knee whaling on him, just like Dad would have done. But I ain't Dad, and Pony ain't ten.

He finished his soup and took the empty bowl to the kitchen, washed it and put it on the rack to dry. As he turned to leave the kitchen, he once again didn't give himself enough clearance around the corner and ran smack into the doorjam. A solid "whack" as his shoulder hit the wood was easily heard. He didn't say a thing, just rubbed his shoulder as he went back to his room.

"He needs to eat, Soda, and his brazen attitude has got to stop," I said as soon as the door shut behind him.

"His what?"

"You're not blind. He was damn near challenging me. What's gotten into him?"

"If you want to replay the last three weeks over a stupid sandwich, be my guest. He's eating. A little more than he was, certainly not the amount I would wish... but he _is_ eating. Be happy. Take what you can get. As for his attitude.... I dunno. His friends have abandoned him at school, he's out of track this season and he's overloaded with homework. Maybe he's begging for some way to blow off steam. You need to cut him some slack, or you'll never get him to listen to you..... and you will never listen to him."

Soda took his and Pony's plates to the kitchen and started on the dishes. Soda was right... about my needing to listen more, but Pony also needed to listen to me too. That street ain't a damn one way road. I hoped he was telling this same stuff to Ponyboy.

"Want help with the dishes?" I asked as I took my own plate and bowl to the sink.

"No, I got it."

I clapped him on the shoulder and went to get my paper, hoping I could put Pony's attitude out of my mind for a while.

XXX

"How ya doing kiddo?"

I went in and sat next to Pony on the bed about an hour after dinner.

"I'm knee deep in science but at least I'm finally caught up in history. How was work?"

"Helped Steve rebuild an engine this afternoon. He came by a little early. Had an amazing tale of you and a Pepsi bottle at the store. I got his version... what's yours?"

He looked up at me, his face all serious, then the corners of his lips curled into the smallest smile I think I'd ever seen before he turned back to his book. Even his ears got somewhat pink.

"They've been hassling me all week, worse than before. Guess I should have expected it, though; they never leave us alone. Even winning the rumble didn't change things. I dunno. I just didn't care about getting hurt anymore. Hell, Soda... they've pulled a blade on me, beat me, drowned me, and kicked me into unconsciousness. I've lived through a fire, and watched Joh.... watched my best friend die in front of me. Then Dallas gets killed. What more can they do? It just didn't hit me to be afraid when they pulled up and surrounded me. I thought I would be. I thought I _should _be. But I wasn't. Does that make sense?"

He looked at me again, searching for an answer. "It makes sense, Pone. But don't start looking for a fight. Defend yourself... always. None of us should have to tell you that. Just, just don't …."

I looked at him, unsure how to say this. Mom was good at getting these sensitive things across. I was somewhat okay at it, ole Point -And- Shoot Darry wasn't at all. But this was important, very important, and I didn't want to screw this up. Knowing I only had one chance at saying it, it had to be said right. If nothing else, Pony had to get this message _right_.

"Don't... what?" he asked, looking up into my eyes.

"Don't turn into someone you're not. I know what you're going through is painful," he turned his head down, breaking the gaze I had with his green eyes. I needed that gaze to read him. Now I could only go by his movements and twitches which weren't as reliable. His jaw muscle tightened as he clenched his teeth, not a good sign, "but I'm here, whenever you need me or want to talk. Don't bottle this mess in, and don't shut us out. Don't get cold and bitter. I've been watching you, you've been pushing us away. We aren't going anywhere though, kiddo, no matter how hard you push. And Darry really only wants what's best for you.

"Food is something you need, a little more now than usual. He and I both agree on that. And I'm sort of offended..." he looked at me again, and I smiled at him. "I made those sandwiches with none of my extra touches. It would have been nice if you had at least tried it first, that way Darry wouldn't have had a cow about it."

"I'm sorry Soda," again, the gaze fell to his books as his shoulders slumped some. "I just … I just _really _ain't in to sandwiches right now."

"No problem, Pone. As long as you're eating, that's all we really ask. And if you're trying to go toe to toe with Darry... do I really need to tell you how that will end?"

"No, me slammed against the door again."

I couldn't believe it. If he'd have punched me, I wouldn't have been more shocked. I reached down and grabbed his thin bicep, essentially dragging him up to a sitting position. I put my hands on his shoulders and looked him square in the face... eyes locked with no escape. "No, Ponyboy Michael Curtis, that ain't gonna happen. Darry would rather cut off his arm than ever do that again. But unless you plan to spend eternity here in this room, stop antagonizing him. You hear me?"

The green of his eyes paled as the rest of his eyes reddened some. His cheeks flushed, and he looked down. I watched as he swallowed, then he put his hand out to me, landing on my arm. He wasn't crying, having enough control to stop that before it started. I pulled him closer and lifted his chin.

"We only want what's best for you, Pony. Okay? We both love you. You gotta know if Darry could take back that mistake, he would."

"I know, Soda. I really do," his voice was barely a whisper.

Pony nodded his head then pulled away from me. He looked at his books and started putting them in a stack on his desk. I got up and went to get ready for bed. Steve had said he could see a glimpse of the old Pony shining through. After what just happened, I could see it too. It was there, he just needed more time to come back.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	7. Sounds Of The Heart

**Case For Concern**

Chapter 7

**Sounds Of The Heart**

**XXX**

1:12 AM

I couldn't sleep. The light glowing from my clock refused my eyes rest. I rolled over a bit to lay flat on my back, allowing me to stare out the window at the stars shimmering above in the night sky. I couldn't help feeling bad. Soda's words wouldn't leave me alone. I knew Darry regretted hitting me, and not just because of everything that's happened since. His hitting me was a line not even our parents had crossed, on any of us in our family. Even though I had silently forgiven him for it long ago, I couldn't bring myself to forget it. That one act has burned itself into my memory for eternity.

Frustrated, I gave up the attempt at sleep and slid out of bed, careful not to wake Soda. I slipped on another pair of sweat pants over my night clothes and grabbed a pair of socks and a sweat top from my drawer, then crept out of my room. I finished dressing in the living room, then creaked open the front door and went outside, off the porch and over to the fence.

It was another frigid night, and as the cold breeze blew around me, I couldn't help but remember that night and compare it to this one. They were too similar.... Way past curfew, starry night, cold wind, and a sense of apprehension I couldn't shake. As I shivered, a chuckle erupted unexpectedly from deep down inside me... I still wasn't wearing a coat. Darry was right, I never do learn! I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to warm up. My stomach suddenly growled, surprising me - I hadn't actually felt hungry in a long time, but it was still a few hours yet before morning; I would have to wait.

My thoughts wandered back to that sandwich Darry was trying to force me to eat. I just didn't want it then, why was that such an issue? Why do I have to feel like the bad guy because I don't want a sandwich? There's lots of things neither Soda nor Darry like, but no one bosses them around - insisting they eat something they don't want.

"_Don't antagonize Darry,_" Soda's words echoed in my head. I wasn't _trying_ to - neither that night nor now, but just like no one had hit me before; no one had forced me to eat something I didn't want either.

_Sigh_, I'm just sick and tired of being watched like a hawk over food, nagged about my homework, and needing greaser guards posted at school because no one thinks I can take care of myself. I was doing the best I could! I didn't _want _any of this to happen! I just want things to go back to normal now. To play football in the lot with what was left of the gang. Maybe go to the drag races again, or hang out at the bowling alley. Do something _normal _besides stare at everything that reminded me of what was missing, what I'd lost.

"Pony?"

The voice behind me startled me into action. I hadn't processed the voice in time to catch myself before I whipped around, but he was faster and anticipated my movements, blocking my fist with his arm before I hit him. He took a step back and cocked his head at me, rubbing the side of his arm where he'd blocked my punch.

"Damn it, Soda, don't sneak up behind me like that."

"Nice swing, but I live here, remember? I'm allowed to sneak around this place anytime I want to. Anyway, I wasn't sneaking. I was concerned when I realized you weren't in bed. Whaddya doing out here? It's two in the morning and it's freezing. You should be in bed, you got school in a few hours."

"Yeah, I'm going. Just wanted some fresh air."

"Fresh air? More like _frozen_ air. You okay? Wanna talk?"

I looked at him, then dropped my eyes. "No. Like you said, I need to get on to bed. Thanks though." I went past him up onto the porch then back inside. I chucked off the sweat top and the extra pair of sweat pants, then curled into a ball under the blanket wearing my night clothes. Soda came in and lay down too.

"You know, you _can_ trust me, Pone. I'm here for ya." He tossed his arm over me as I shivered, and I snuggled back into his chest. I may not be ready to talk, but I was glad he was there.

"I know. Night, Soda."

His arm tightened up on me a second, then let go. My eyelids finally felt heavy, and I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

XXX

"Ponyboy, Sodapop... y'all better get up, before I have to go in there!"

_Groan. _I felt like I had just shut my eyes. I sat up and yawned, rubbed my face and looked over at Soda. He was still asleep.

"Soda? C'mon, time to get up before Darry gets rough. You want the shower first or can I take it?"

"Wha.... no, I want it," he mumbled without opening his eyes. He rolled over and pulled the blanket back over his shoulder, and I shook my head. I got up and grabbed my clothes and headed in to get ready for the morning, letting Darry deal with sleepy head. Soda was not a morning person.

"Morning Darry," I called as I went inside and shut the door. I heard him call out the same to me just as the latch caught. I turned on the taps, the water coming out colder than ice for a few minutes. As I finished what I was doing and flushed the toilet, the room began to fill with steam. I had the same routine for so long, I was able to time when the hot water would finally make its way to the shower from the heater in the laundry room.

Anyway, the hot water and steam did little to settle my nerves. I still felt anxious, like my insides were going at speeds my body wasn't. I didn't know why, but the internal conflict screwed with my emotions and messed me up. For some stupid reason, I felt tears well up then fall, and I could taste their saltiness as I washed up. I had no idea why I was bawling - there really wasn't a reason for it, but I was glad I was quiet about it, alone, with the shower running so no one heard. I tried to calm down, but couldn't. Then I _had_ to. Someone wanted in.

_Bang Bang _

Who ever was there was rapping their knuckles on the door. Figures. When Darry or Soda are in here, I ain't allowed to bug them unless I'm bout to piss myself, but if _I'm_ in here, it becomes Grand Central Station.

"I gotta use the bathroom, Ponyboy. You got one minute. Either hurry up or expect company."

"Yeah, alright, lemme just get out. Geez." I quit crying, rinsed off and grabbed a towel, trying to hurry for Darry's sake. I was just barely covered up when he opened the door and came in.

"Bout time, how much water.... hey... you okay?" Darry was looking at me, I guess my eyes were still red.

"Fine, just got soap in my eyes."

I lied. He bought it. I grabbed my clothes, stepping past Darry to go to my room since I didn't feel like dropping the towel and dressing in front of him.

I heard the familiar sounds of the gang wrestling around in the living room when I came back out. Ignoring them, I made my way to the kitchen and saw the loaf of banana bread laying out on the table that Two-Bit's mom had made. I cut off a thick chunk of it, relishing the taste once again. I was on my second glass of milk and second chunk of bread when Darry found me in the kitchen a little later. I couldn't read his expression, but was expecting another lecture – I was getting crumbs all over the counter and the sink, but then he just sort of smiled. Now I _really_ couldn't figure him out.

"What?" I asked with my mouth full of food, spraying crumbs when I spoke. I grabbed a towel to clean up, and he just shook his head.

"Nothing, just.... have a good day at school. I got to go. I'm working at the warehouse for a few hours after I leave the construction site... think you can handle dinner on your own? Soda's got to work late too. Two-Bit'll come over to check on you eventually."

"I don't need a sitter, Darry. I'm fourteen, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. I was at the hospital when you were born, but that's not the point. Can you handle..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... I can make my own dinner. You want me to make enough for everyone and save you and Soda some for when you get back?"

"That would be great," he looked at his watch, and got his coat off the back of the chair. "Get your homework done... and get cracking on that theme you have to do. I want to see what you've done when I get in. Bye!"

I watched him leave, just as Soda and Steve headed for the door too.

"See ya at school, Two-Bit, kid," Steve yelled back as he also headed out. I guess he was giving Soda a ride to work, cause they both headed for his car.

"Bye, Pony!" Soda called over his shoulder and was out of earshot before I could reply.

"Well, it's just us. Wanna skip and go to the movies?" Two-Bit asked with a devilish look in his eyes.

"For one thing, Darry would skin me. For another thing, I'm already behind enough as it is. Skipping ain't an option here, Two-Bit. Just drop me off if you ain't going." I grabbed my books and went outside. Two-Bit should know better than to ask me to the movies.

Getting into his old clunker of a car, that churning, unsettled feeling hit me again. It wasn't hunger, I already ruled that out. Hunger, though, had never made me start bawling before. Something else was bothering me, and I just didn't know what. I just kept thinking about it the whole way to school, trying to figure it out. Whatever it was, I couldn't shake it.

XXX

"Hey, you doing okay Soda? You're awful quiet."

"I'm just thinking about Sandy. She's been in Florida for about three weeks now. I sent her a letter a while ago."

"Now why'd you go and do a fool thing like that for? Soda... it ain't_ your_ kid for cripes sake. She cheated on _you_, man. She ain't worth having."

I looked at Steve. He didn't feel for Evie like I did for Sandy. "You just don't get it, Steve."

"Yes, I do, Sodapop. You love her. I got it. Spray paint it on the overpass, why don't ya .... but it won't change the fact that she's knocked up with _someone else's kid._ She doesn't love you. She ain't worth all this grief. Dude, I'm telling you, Evie ever screw around on me, I won't shed a fuckin' tear telling her where to go."

"She made a mistake, Steve," I softly said.

"I'd say she did. Splitting her legs for..."

"Shut up, Steve!" I hissed. I didn't want to hear anymore. He looked over at me then sighed, scrunching around in his seat some.

"Sorry, Soda. But, man, you _got _to let her go. She obviously let you go a long time back."

I didn't answer, just looked out the windows as the DX got closer. I couldn't help thinking my response, but I didn't say it out loud. Not yet. _I have to hear from her first. _She _had_ to write me, now that some time has gone by... she may have had a change of heart. Once I heard from her, then I'd let whatever she said be the last word. I loved her too much to not at least try, this one last time.

"Thanks for the ride, Steve. You coming by the house later?"

"I..uh... can't. Evie and I sort of... well, we got plans. Sorry."

I looked at him. At least one of us still had a love life. Now I went from feeling miserable to.. what's a word Pony would use?_ Wretched_. Yup. That sounded worse. I watched him drive off toward school and went inside to clock in.

XXX

The kid wasn't looking like he usually did... then again, he hasn't looked like he usually did since he ran off that night. For the last few days, though, he'd been sort of getting better. Slowly getting some color back in his skin and if you didn't blink and miss it, a faint smile would appear out of nowhere on his face every now and again.

But, ever since I saw him this morning, he's seemed down again. I saw him eating at his house, so that wasn't it. He also looked … _exhausted_. I knew he had a mountain of homework that Darry was bugging him to get done, but that wasn't exactly it either. We all knew the kid could get the work done, as smart as he was. I just didn't know _what_ it was.... but he looked kinda... _lost_, even more so now than ever.

I also noticed he'd been avoiding me and Steve all day, even jumping out of the car before I had it stopped in the school parking lot this morning. He knew he couldn't avoid us for lunch though. Darry would have his hide if he went off alone. Tim's boys were still hanging around, so he was safe enough; although their numbers were dropping like flies. Once Pony met up with me and Steve in the parking lot at noon, we all went back over to the grocery store with the deli in it, where most greasers hung out at for lunch. Cafeteria food, afterall, was for the geeks and the Soc's.

Pony spent most of the break silently eating what we bought him and looking off into the distance, that bothered look still on his face; but I doubt he saw anything there. He _did _eat though, which I guess was the more important part. Hot dog and Pepsi, and a Hershey bar for good measure. I figured the extra calories wouldn't hurt him any, and the chocolate was courtesy of my silent five fingered discount.

Once we got back to the school, what ever was bothering him was beginning to come to a head. He was shoving his books in his locker after we got back from lunch when I finally got his attention, and he got mine as well.

"You okay, Pone?"

"I feel fine, Two-Bit, why does everyone keep _asking_ me that?"

Yipes, not like the kid to snap at me like that. I watched as he turned his math book one way, then turned it another, adjusting stuff on either side to try to get the book in where he wanted it, but it just wasn't gonna go. Suddenly, he got a pissed off look on his face and shoved the book in the locker then slammed the door shut, the metallic _clang _echoing all the way down the hall. Several people turned to look, then returned to their own pointless lives. Pony just leaned his head against the closed metal door, eyes squeezed shut.

Now, I ain't all that fond of my own textbooks, and I couldn't care less about my math class, but I ain't never seen him get pissy with a textbook before.

"I would ask the question again... but I don't wanna be the next thing you shove in that locker. By the way, you still need to get your books _out_ for science and study hall, since you still ain't allowed back in PE. How long has the doc got you out of gym for, anyway?"

"Follow-up appointment's in a week, I think. Darry's got all that written down at the house. I just go where he tells me, when he tells me. Until then, no gym."

"Well, better listen to the doc, Pony. That concussion you had may have been 'mild,' but it sure seemed serious to me. Your head still hurt?"

"No."

The look he had on his face wasn't convincing. He was never good at Poker, his look always gave away what he had. "Step aside, kid."

I pushed him back with a finger, though he moved willingly. I opened his locker and the math book promptly fell out, landing on my boot. I got his science book out and slid the math book in, smiling as I handed it to him.

"May as well get my stuff for study hall, since I'm here."

He rummaged through his locker until he found what he wanted, then I walked with him to class.

"Meet me out front after study hall, I'll give you a ride home, okay kid?"

"Sure, Two-Bit."

He still didn't seem right, and I had no idea what that outburst was about. I walked across the building to my own class, arriving late as usual, and took my seat as Mrs. Hampton gave me a look that easily said what she thought of having to teach me the same subject for the second year in a row. _Ahh,_ I thought as I settled in my seat, _wait till I come back next year, Mrs. H.!_

XXX

I sat in study hall feeling the same thing I felt in the shower this morning. At least I kept my cool enough to not let anything show, but I didn't get any work done either. I hadn't thought of anything to write that theme on in English, and I had a mountain of handouts as well as end of chapter questions to do for science and math. It all just kept building... and I felt like I was suffocating from it. A loaded spring with no way to uncoil. I could feel my heart race then painfully slow down from everything I was thinking. This had been going on all day... ever since last night! I had to get out of here, go somewhere! When that bell rang, I was the first one out the door.

"Hey, Two-Bit," I called as he sat in his car waiting on me. I looked around and saw Steve's car parked not far away, and scanning the hoards of greasers headed in our direction, I didn't see him anywhere in the pack.

"Come on, get in," he called, waiting on me.

"I'm catching a ride with Steve in a bit. I forgot a book, lemme go get it before he gets here. I'll meet up with you later at the house. See ya." Before he could say anything, I took off back to the building. From the inside of the doorway, I watched Two-Bit pull out and leave, then saw Steve coming around the far corner with his arm around Evie's middle. I rolled my eyes.

I made my way back through the building and over to my other locker in the gym. I pulled out my warm up sweats and changed out of my school clothes, then finally slipped on the running shoes I had stored in my locker. Adrenaline pumping, I made my way over to the track. The field was empty, no one around except the janitor cleaning the floors inside the building. I was glad, he wouldn't bother me and no one else was here. The doc may not want me to run, but if I didn't, I was gonna explode.

I crouched low and took off, as if I were at a meet. With every lap, I felt a little bit better, hurt and pain falling away like drips of sweat from my soul. With the wind behind me and the sun overhead, I pushed back through the disparaging sense of loss I had felt for weeks now. Eventually, the cooped up frustrated feeling was gone, but now my head pounded with an ache right over the spot where that soc kicked me, throbbing with blinding pain in sync with my own heart beat. Didn't matter, I still felt worlds better. It was worth it.

At least a half hour later, I went back to the gym and put my running shoes back up, grabbed my bag with my regular clothes in it and headed home. The cool breeze feeling good on my body, sore now from running after weeks of sitting around. My head still pounded, but I paid it no attention. I started the trip home, getting there less than an hour later.

As I came up the sidewalk to my house, I saw Two-Bit and Steve sitting on my front steps. Oops. Two-Bit looked amused while Steve looked annoyed. Hiding behind each set eyes was a tiny shadow of relief.

"Well now, Steve, look who finally decided to show up. And all this time I thought he was getting a ride home with you! He had to have gotten a ride from _somewhere_, knowing how many Soc's are still out there just _waiting_ for the chance to find a young grease to tangle with. After all, only someone _not_ _using his head_ would walk all that way from school ... alone! What do you think?"

"I dunno, I don't think even a taxi would take him in his shape." Steve looked me over from head to toe. "Lord, kid, you stink. You went running, didn't you. You know you ain't supposed to be doing that. Doc ain't cleared you. And are you trying to scare us with the ugliest set of feet in Oklahoma?" Steve looked at his watch and got up. "Well, this has been fun, but now that the missing juvenile delinquent has been located, I'm headed to Evie's to see if she's ready for the movie. Ponyboy," _sniff,_ "take a shower. Bye, Two-Bit."

"See ya, Steve. Okay, kid... jokes over, you got some explaining to do. Ten more minutes and I'd have called Darry. I dunno what you were thinking, but I hope what ever you were doing was worth it. And wipe that grin off your face when I'm trying to scold you. Get in here. Check that... go shower first. _Then_ get in here."

I never got a word in edgewise, just kept smiling in spite of myself.

"You staying for dinner, Two-Bit?" I asked once I got out of the bathroom and was dressed again.

He looked up at me. "Well, my my, don't you look better."

I smiled and looked down at my bare feet. I'd have to use a pair of Soda's old sneakers tomorrow and head over to the gym first thing in the morning to find my regular shoes. Darry would go nuts if I lost them. I hoped the janitor wouldn't toss them out, he was a stickler for clean, but I really wasn't sure where I'd left them.

"Thanks. Now, dinner or no?"

He stared at me, searching me for something, then shook his head. "Nope. I think you'll be okay on your own for a while. If I hurry, I might be able to catch Kathy for a little evening stroll on the strip. Soda should be in soon. Take care, kid; see ya in the morning. Oh, by the way, next time you trick me like that, be prepared. Got it?"

"Sorry, just needed a little time on my own. I knew no one was gonna give it to me, I had to take it."

"Yeah, whatever. Bye!"

I shut my eyes as the door slammed behind him.

I sighed, thinking how many times I had heard that door slam behind so many of my friends. I went outside and listened to the neighborhood again, just as I had last night. The cars buzzing by, doors slamming elsewhere in the neighborhood. Someone cussin someone else out a few doors down. So much had changed, yet nothing had. People still went on. I wondered when I would.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	8. Unbalanced Scales

**Case For Concern**

Chapter 8

**Unbalanced Scales**

XXX

"Let me see what you've done as far as your homework goes, Pony."

He was watching TV - rather, his eyes were on the TV screen but his mind was elsewhere. That glazed look gave it away. I tossed a sock at him and he looked over at me.

"Your homework... get it."

He headed to his room, dropping the sock back in the basket of clean laundry piled up around me. I continued to sort and fold clothes that I knew later would only be crammed in drawers and piled on the floor of their closet, but at least it was washed. My stuff was always put away like it was supposed to be, I had given up thinking they would ever take the hint to do the same.

Soda was doing the dishes. I gave him a glance too – noticing he was quieter than usual as well. I wondered what was going on, if they were silently having their own individual yet unrelated problems, or if they were having a rare argument and weren't speaking. The last time those two were on outs was when Pony wanted to go out with Soda to a movie... but Soda was going with Sandy … and he just didn't get it that Soda wasn't _really _going to _see_ the movie. He was mad at Soda all week then, not having figured it out. I smiled... ahh, his days of innocence and naiveté were coming to an end then. Sandy's sudden need to leave town really opened his eyes, but at least it wasn't Soda's responsibility. Of that, I was grateful.

Pony stood over me with some notebooks and a pile of jumbled handouts. I looked at them and back at him.

"Is there any organization to this mess or do you just figure it out as you go?"

I still hadn't figured out how, with his smarts, he could be so unorganized. He shuffled the papers like cards in a deck and handed them to me again.

"Math's on top. That would be the sheets with all the numbers on it. History is next... I think there's something like twelve sheets - front and back - stapled together. Science is on the bottom, in the notebook. I haven't finished the science yet... but it ain't due till Friday. I finished Social Studies today and turned it in already." He went back over and plopped down on the couch again, his thin legs curled under him.

"Don't be a smartass," I said with a tone. I gave everything a quick look, finding a few mistakes in his math but not many. I was impressed, I thought it would take him longer to get this done, but I guess he was also getting it worked on in study hall. Not being able to go to gym was a blessing in disguise.

"Where's the essay?" I looked at him, his fingers absentmindedly trailing around the area on his temple where his concussion was healing. I vaguely wondered if it still hurt. He was either not paying attention again, or didn't hear me. "Ponyboy!" He turned his head. "The essay? Where is it?"

"My English essay?"

He sounded so innocent. I rolled my eyes and counted to five. "Yes, the English essay. How many other essays are you due to hand in? Where is it?"

"I'm still working on it."

"Good. Bring it here, I wanna see how far you've gotten on it."

"I, um, haven't really started it yet, Darry."

"Ponyboy Micheal Curtis, that essay is the _only _thing that's gonna save your grade. Why the blue blazes haven't you been working on it?"

He just looked at me, fear in his eyes turning into anger, but he was smart enough to keep it contained.

"I haven't found anything yet worthy enough to write it on. I didn't want it to be some useless piece of drivel."

Soda was watching from just within the kitchen, dish cloth in hand but staying out of it. At least I had one brother who was smart enough to know when to stay quiet.

"Your room. Now. Essay. Start. Goodnight." I handed him back the notebooks and loose papers, simmering as I watched him head down the hall. Soda watched another few seconds, then disappeared back into the kitchen again.

I finished folding the clothes in silence and took my stuff to my room to put away. Coming back down the hall, I watched Soda get his stuff and head to his room. A few minutes later, he came and got Pony's clothes too. If they were mad at each other, at least Soda was still helping him out.

"You okay, Sodapop?"

He looked at me then nodded. Without saying a word, he went into their room and shut the door. I heard the drawers opening and closing as they put their clothes away. Even if they were mad at each other, I hoped Soda would talk to Pony and find out what was bothering him. It was clear something was. Maybe Pony could do the same for Soda. It felt like I was sharing the house with strangers tonight.

XXX

"You okay, Pone?" I softly asked him. He was sitting at his desk, staring down at his empty composition book.

"Yeah, I'm fine Sodapop."

He looked anything but. I put away my clothes and his too, since I knew he wasn't going to. He'd just end up stacking his stuff over by the wall on his side of the bed if I didn't put them away for him, and this obviously wasn't the time to nag him about it.

I went over to stand behind him and put my hands on his shoulders. The tension in his neck was easily felt, so I tried to work it out with my thumbs. He moved his head around as I worked on his neck and back. "You know, I'm real proud of you. It would have taken anyone else days longer to get all that homework done. You're one smart kid, Pone."

"Thanks." He was holding his pencil in his hand on it's point, letting the eraser end fall into the center of the tablet. Then he picked up the pencil by the pointy end and let the point fall. Eraser went up, eraser went down. Point went up, then point went down. Over and over again. His eyes didn't blink, just stared at that blank, white page.

"It'll come to you. Stop sweating it," I whispered.

Suddenly, he pulled out of my reach, leaning with his elbows on his desk with his head in his hands. I noticed he was rubbing that spot on his head more tonight than he had been since he first woke up from the rumble. Memories of seeing that soc kicking him flew past in my mind. I whipped that guy bad that night for kicking Pony, but the effects of that kick were obviously still hurting him. I reached over behind his copy of "To Kill A Mockingbird" and pulled out the hidden bottle of aspirin I knew he kept there. I shook out a few and dropped them on his desk where he could see them.

"How bad ya hurting?"

"My heads in a friggin vice. I shouldn't have gone running today. The pain just wont let up, I thought it would have by now."

"You went running? Doc said not to do anything physical. Who made you run?"

He lifted his head and swallowed the pills. His eyes were red. If I weren't in the room, he'd probably let the tears slip out.

"No one. I just went on my own. Accidentally left my shoes at the school, too. Can I use your old one's tomorrow?" His voice sounded gravelly.

"Sure, Pone. They may not fit you exactly right, but you can use anything I got. Why did ya go running when the doc said not to?"

He was silent a moment before he spoke. "It was something I had to do. I've felt pent up for so long. I've... oh Soda... I dunno _what's_ wrong. I can do stuff I ain't got to think about, like math and history, but that essay is all _thinking_. Right now, I can't get two thoughts to make sense. I don't even _want _to think - it hurts too much. I dunno what to do...."

"Come here," I pulled him to the bed and laid down next to him. He needed to rest, get his mind off everything. We just got him thinking straight again, this mess was only gonna set him back. I wished Darry hadn't been on his case about the essay, Pony hadn't let us down with grades before... I don't know why he was pushing the issue so much now, especially when he was still not back to par.

I was also concerned what his running may have done to further mess up his concussion. He was still rubbing that side of his head, his eyes squeezed shut. I gently pushed his hair out of his eyes just so I could pass my fingertips over the concussion site. It felt okay, but I wasn't no doc. If those aspirin didn't kick in, I was gonna have to tell Darry. We were in bad enough debt already with Pony's hospital bills starting to come in, but if he needed to go back to the hospital, I'd drive him there myself - debt be damned.

"Close your eyes, Pone. Go to sleep. Don't worry about that essay or anything else right now. Just rest, let your head get better first.." I got up and found his night clothes for him to change into. He changed and went to brush his teeth, then came back and crawled into bed. I worked out the tension I still felt in his neck and back, and in time he slowly relaxed and drifted off to sleep.

Finally I could think of Sandy, wondering what she was doing, if she had written me back yet or not. It was eating me up, wondering. I reached over in Pony's drawer to grab his smokes and quietly went outside. I had my own pent up emotions, ones no one seemed to understand either. Pony was obviously too young, Darry too busy. I wished I had Dad or even Mom to talk this over with. Sadly, I was alone in this misery.

I sat on the front porch smoking when Darry came out.

"Lordy, Soda. I thought it was Pony out here. What's going on, little buddy, you only light one up when there's a problem."

I looked at him. I still couldn't understand how he could know me and Ponyboy so well, yet not know how to talk with him.

"Just thinking, Dar."

"I would say penny for your thoughts, but I'm flat broke right now."

He sat next to me on the top step. I was looking at the truck while taking the last drag off the dying butt. "Looks like we got a leak under the truck. I'll take a look at it tomorrow when I get in."

He looked too. "It's gonna have to wait another day. I'm pulling more hours at the warehouse tomorrow night. It'll just be you and Ponyboy. Make sure he does his homework. That essay...."

"...that essay, Darry, will get done. You ain't got to ride him so much. He's all worked up as it is, you push him much more and you're gonna push him right over the edge, and we'll be back to square one again. Let up a little," I took out another smoke and lit it, "or the kid's gonna collapse under everything you're putting him through."

Darry looked at me, and took the cigarette out from my fingers. He ground it under his heal and took the rest of the pack too.

"Fine. I'll try to ease up, but it's still due by Monday. I can't have him waiting until Sunday night to decide to work on it. And as for these things," he held out the smokes for emphasis, "one brother with an addiction is bad enough. Don't do this to yourself, Soda. And whatever is really bugging you, I wish..."

"I wrote her a letter."

Boy, did that stop him in his tracks.

"You did what?"

"I wrote her a letter. Sandy. Asking if she changed her mind. I haven't changed mine. I'd still marry her. My kid or not."

Darry just looked at me, then laced his fingers behind his head letting his muscles bulge. It was one of his thinking looks.

"Soda, why are you doing this? I know you love her now, but, Pepsi, come on, man. In case you haven't noticed, this is _not _an easy life we have. I ain't in any way comparing what I have to do to what you are volunteering to do, but open your eyes. You guys are too young to be doing the whole marriage bit. Kids change everything, and not always for the better - _especially_ when they aren't even yours. And as much as I hate to throw this out there, you don't even have a high school diploma. Yeah, you're a good mechanic, but that isn't gonna get you as far as you think it will in life. It certainly won't be enough to support a wife and a baby."

"Darry, I love her."

"Love won't pay bills. And you won't be able to live here with her, either. Social Services wont allow it. I'd lose Ponyboy in the process, and I _ain't_ losing Ponyboy."

He looked at me, but I looked down, wishing he hadn't ground out that cigarette, or at least had left the pack where I could get to them.

"What did she say?"

"I haven't heard back from her yet. What ever she says, though, I'll go with. If she don't want me, I'll end it. I'll let her go. But I had to at least try." I looked at him, hoping he understood.

He grimaced, then put his hand on my knee, squeezed it then used it to push off with to stand up.

"Let me know what she says. And if she says good-bye, then let it be good-bye. It's in everyone's best interest."

He went inside, taking the smokes with him. I followed along, and went to get ready for bed. Pulling the covers over me, I looked at Pony - his face finally calm in the moonlight. I took it his head stopped hurting, or at least the pain eased off enough for him to sleep. Now I had another problem: if I got Sandy back, I'd lose Ponyboy. Why couldn't life be easy for once?

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose

I'd really like to hear from those of you who are reading yet staying silent. Thank you! CLR


	9. Armistice

**Case For Concern**

Chapter 9

**Armistice **

**XXX**

"Take your seats, ladies and gentlemen. If you'll turn your text's to page 163, we'll get started with the second battle of Bull Run," Mrs. Norris was leading the charge, we all knew Civil War stuff was her favorite subject for history. While she spouted stuff about Manassas, Virginia; good ol' Stonewall Jackson and Battery Heights, I tried to think of something to write that English essay on. My head still had the tiniest ache to it, and I had downed some more aspirin again this morning instead of breakfast. Listening to Mrs. Norris drone on and on, I figured those pills were a counterattack of my own against her constant incoming barrage of Civil War facts pounding against the inside of my skull.

"And here on Chinn Ridge, Union troops struggled to delay General Longstreet's counterattack against General Pope so he could form a rear guard on Henry Hill..."

I swear, if I had to do the essay for Mrs. Norris, all I would need to do is write a play- by- play of any battle of the Civil War, and I'd ace it. It was common knowledge that if she could go back to any period of time, she'd land herself one hundred years ago in the middle of some battle.

As for me, if I could go back in time, I'd go back to that night and just go home after the movie, instead of hanging out- then accidentally falling asleep - in the lot.

I looked around the room, the nerdy students occupying the front rows were breaking lead copying every word out of her mouth. The goody-goody girls sat in the rows behind them, writing some stuff down but basically playing with their hair and looking at their nails. Behind them sat a mix of the jocks and the Soc's, passing notes to the girls in front of them. Then there were the rows where me and other greasers sat. I took notes..... but mine were like "review Manassas, figure out who Longstreet was..." that type of stuff. It was a system that worked for me.

All day long, every class I went to, I tried to think of something for that theme. The zoo was way too corny. I thought about Bronco, my old cur dog... but I couldn't write about him without bringing up why I had to give him away. Getting rid of Bronco brought up feelings I didn't want out, to anyone.

The last bell rang and I headed to the parking lot, free at last to go home. I was still stuck in Soda's old shoes, though. I had no idea how to tell Darry I'd lost mine, another worry I'd had all day. I searched as long as I could first thing this morning in the gym, but they weren't there. _Anywhere._ He'd skin me, I knew it.

"Greaser...." I was so trapped in my thoughts I didn't realize I'd just walked into the middle of six soc's hanging with their girls at the rear door. I looked straight ahead, but knew I was out of luck if they wanted to tangle with me. I _did_ have my blade in my pocket, but it was only one blade against six guys. Still, when it's my only option.... I fingered it in my pocket, but didn't bring it out. I would if I _had_ to, but I knew bringing it out when I was this outnumbered would only give them an excuse to shred me to bits.

"Randy..." I heard Cherry's voice behind me, and I suddenly realized Randy was one of the six guys at the door. I remembered our conversation at the Tasty Freeze, and wondered if he had returned to his old ways. He didn't leave town like he said he might. I gave him a quick glance, noticing he was there with Marcia, too.

"What made you think you could look at us, punk?" One of his soc friends got up, blocking my way.

"I ain't causing you no trouble. Leave me alone and let me through," I said. I looked past the soc in front of me toward the parking lot, Two-Bit and Steve- along with a few other greaser friends, were quickly headed in my direction.

"Let the kid go," Randy said in a tired voice, and the guy in front of me turned to look at him.

"You've gone soft! This piece of shit kills Bob, and you punk chicken?"

I ducked around him and started down the steps to the sidewalk, suddenly finding myself being launched over the last three steps as a shoe in the middle of my back assisted me down. I was able to catch myself- mostly with my hands, but not before my lip split on the concrete. Two-Bit and Steve and a tirade of other greasers flew past me as I picked myself up and came up swinging.

It was all over, though. The five soc's had turned tail - some ducking back into the building, others scampering across the compound, when Tim's guys came up. Apparently, a six-on-one (who weighed a good 50 pounds less than any of them) were odds they liked. When the rest of the guys showed up, however, they changed their minds about it. The noise, unfortuantely, alerted the staff still in the building and a few of the teachers even stepped out into the hallway to see what the ruckus was about.

"Mr. Curtis, what's going on?" Mr. Bolston, my science teacher, was looking at me. Steve and Two-Bit were coming back down the hall, looking very happy considering what little action they had.

"Just testing that thing you were talking about today, about Newton's First Law of Motion. It still works, sir," I answered as I wiped the blood off my lip.

"Next time, remember the Third Law, and you won't be so tempted to do that again."

"Yes sir," I watched him shake his head as he returned to his classroom.

"Now here's a grease who can take a hit and still come out smelling good!" Two-Bit was laughing and clapped me on my sore back.

"Busted lip... anything else, kid?" Steve was looking at me and taking inventory.

I shook my head, then bent down to get my books. The groan I let out was both involuntary and audible. The soc had kicked me over the same spot where Dally had hit me. What was once healed was now bruised again, I was sure of it.

"You're sounding like an old man. Come on, lets get you outa here before more trouble shows up." Two-Bit ushered me to his car as Steve got in his to head off for work, but I waved him down before he left.

"Steve, don't go telling Sodapop about this. He don't need extra worries, okay?" I asked as I leaned in his open passenger window. He just grinned.

"Tell him what? That you tripped coming down the steps? Hell kid, that ain't a story, it's an everyday occurrence for you. I ain't gonna bother Soda with that. Go on. Bye, Two-Bit!" He revved the engine and peeled out.

"Lets get some ice on that lip before it swells and you have to tell Darry some chick was trying to suck your face off."

"That's gross, Two-Bit," I said with disgust.

He laughed. "Fine, you come up with a better story."

He let me out at the house, telling me to put ice on my lip ASAP. It had already swollen to a small knot. At least the bleeding had stopped. I grabbed the mail out of the box and headed inside, heading straight for the cabinet. Two-Bit may have wanted me to get ice on my lip, but my first priority was killing the pain. My pounding head and now corresponding back ache took precedent over a lip that was already swollen anyway. I swallowed a few pills then chugged down some chocolate milk. Eventually, I made an ice pack and held it to my face while I worked on my science homework. Once again, I was putting off that essay.

XXX

"Hey, Steve. How goes it?"

Steve headed to the time clock and punched in, then went to the back to change out of his regular clothes and pull on the DX issued coveralls.

"Boring as usual. School just ain't the same without you there, Sodapop. You know, you can still come back at the start of next year. You'd be behind, but..."

"Don't start. I ain't going back. I have no school smarts and you know I have to help Darry with the bills. Don't go down a road you know only stops at a dead end, buddy."

He looked at me, nodded his head in understanding, then together we headed off to the garage.

"I've already changed the oil and rotated the tires on Ms. Carlson's Chevy, but she hasn't come back by to get it yet. She said she'd be back by five, but I can't wait that long. I'm already whipped, and starving too. Shit!" I just remembered something and it made me wince. "It's my night to cook, and I know Ponyboy hasn't started dinner either."

"Good luck, buddy. Go on and get out of here. I'll get Ms. Carlson's car back into her sweet lil' hands in one piece. Anything else?"

"No, just the usual fill-ups, tune-ups and oil checks. You know it's boring around here on a Thursday. Hey, if your old man gives you a hassle, you know where you can crash at. See ya!"

I heard the bus coming around the corner, and dashed off to make it. It let me off fifteen minutes later and a block away from my house. One whiff when I went inside told me what I had expected- Pony wasn't cooking. Ah well, it wasn't his night anyway. Still, a guy could hope.

"Pony, I'm home!" I tossed my coat over by the couch and slipped off my shoes, then chucked off the DX jumper I was still wearing. I'd just take it back tomorrow anyway. My hands were leaving black marks on everything so I spent an extra few minutes at the sink washing the grease and oil out of my skin. It was awful quiet in the house.

"Hey, did the mail come in yet?" I dried my hands on a towel and saw the untouched stack of envelopes on the table. Pony rarely goes through the mail, anything coming in for him was rare.

Electric bill, hospital bill, advertisement, bank statement... then an envelope that made me forget time itself was in my hands. One I had been waiting on for over a week now. A letter from Sandy. I had decided when I wrote her, that her response would be the last word. If she would have me, I would marry her and just accept the baby as my own. Somehow, we'd make it. I didn't know _how_, and that worried me some, but I really thought we had a chance. However, in my hands was the same envelope I mailed to her- unopened, with _Return to Sender_ written in her own handwriting and an arrow pointing to my address in the corner. It was her response, and the message was clear. I had to move on.

Darry didn't have to worry anymore. I would never put Ponyboy's placement in our home in jeopardy. I never would have in the first place, but now the problem didn't even exist anymore. I looked at the envelope again and folded it up, putting it in the back pocket of my wheat jeans.

Dinner forgotten, I went down the hall to our room, where Ponyboy was sitting up in bed with his notebook resting against his bent legs as a table. I grabbed the smokes he always leaves on the dresser and lit up, glad Darry wasn't here to bitch me out for smoking in the house. I stared at the ceiling, just feeling like the wind was knocked out of me.

"How was work?"

Pony's curious voice called to me, but I really didn't feel like talking right now. He wouldn't even understand how I felt, knowing his appreciation of the opposite sex was limited to competing grade point averages and fastest track times amid the runners in the girls squad. There was always some girl trying to beat his times, but they never came close. Until he invested his heart in someone of the fairer sex, or maybe even- heaven forbid- _scored_ with one, he would never understand how I felt. Not that I was wanting him to rush into that, I much preferred him the sweet way he is now.

"Okay." I closed my eyes, wishing again that our parents hadn't died. Mom was sure to know how to fix a broken heart, mom's were good at that. Ours could make any hurt we had go away when we were kids. When I tore the ligament in my leg, Mom was there day and night at the hospital, talking silly stuff in my ear after the surgery to repair it. She only went home when I was released. Both she and Dad helped me through that. That's when Dad got me into mechanical stuff, to take my mind off the riding I was no longer allowed to do. He literally handed me my future. Now I felt empty again, and wished desperately for their advice.

"Something wrong?"

_Yes, Pony. My heart's broken. Love is the best feeling in the world, yet realizing the gal of your dreams no longer loves you is the worst feeling. _I didn't bother to even try, he had no clue. I shook my head. I felt his eyes on me, then he went back to drawing something in his notebook.

I finished the smoke and stared at the ceiling a minute, realizing this wasn't getting me anywhere. I hated to get up but I did it anyway - taking the smokes with me, and headed to the kitchen to cook dinner. Ponyboy still needed to eat even if I didn't feel like it. I certainly didn't want to lose what little progress we had made with him.

I put some Salisbury steaks in the oven and tossed some cut up potatoes in a pot of water to boil. Canned peas were last on the agenda. Simple, easy and not a lot of work. I sat at the table staring at the grain in the wooden surface while leaving Pony alone to do his homework. I wondered what to do now, and not just about dinner. Seemed like all my gusto was gone. For the last week and a half, I had something to look forward to at least. Now that her response – telling me for the last time and in her own way it was over – was in my back pocket, I felt more lost than I had in a long time.

"You okay, Sodapop?"

Two-Bits words cut into my thoughts. When did he show up? I looked up at him, trying to keep a straight face. Last thing I needed was ridicule from Two-Bit, who's understanding of love lasted only as long as he could keep it up. Well, maybe he had a special feeling for Kathy, but he wasn't even steady with her.

"Yeah, everything's just peachy. What are you doing over here?"

XXX

"Ouch! What, am I not welcome over here now? Afterall, Steve and me_ did_ swoop down and rescue that young brother of yours today from yet another get together with the more elite members of society, or did he fail to mention it?"

Soda sat there listening to me while staring at the tabletop, rubbing the middle of his forehead with his fingertips. Something was up, as Soda rarely looked this down. And I had _never_ been asked – even by Darry, what I was doing here... this was like my second home where I was always welcome. Hell, no one was _ever _asked what they were doing here. We might get asked when we were leaving, but not what we were doing here. I noticed the potatoes simmering in the pot and got a spoon out to stir them.

"He failed to mention it, and you know you're always welcome. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Pony doing okay?" I noticed the kid wasn't around, which was another thing off. Then again, Pony wasn't exactly back _on _yet.

"He's in his room, I think doing homework. I ain't exactly sure."

I noticed the oven was on and opened it, noticing the steaks cooking away in the pan. I took them out to flip, slathered more sauce on them so they wouldn't dry out, and returned them to the oven. I wasn't just a funny man with good looks, afterall. I, too, could cook. Mom _did_ teach me a few other useful things I'd need to get along in the real world.

"Hey, Two-Bit, I thought I heard your voice. What's up?"

I turned to see Pony leaning against the kitchen doorway. His thin frame looked somewhat better, but he was a long way from his old filled -out form. He was still cinching his belt several holes in, whereas before _if _he used a belt, it was only one or two holes in. I noticed the swelling on his lip was down, but it was still noticeable.

"Not much. Just wanted to know if you guys wanted a break from all this excitement tonight. I'm borrowing Jay's truck and was gonna head over to the strip later, just ride around and see what's going on in town. Maybe grab a burger or something. Y'all game?"

"I'm up for it." Pony had an eager look in his eyes, but Soda dashed it next.

"Pony, you know better. Darry ain't gonna let you out until every bit of your work is done. If it were up to me, I'd say go... lord knows you need the break. But you better ask Darry first, and don't get your hopes up."

"He might say yes if you help me out, Soda."

"Don't count on it, bub. Ask Darry, he'll be home in about thirty minutes. Don't get on my case if he says no."

"Well, I tell ya what. I ain't gonna get in the middle of a Curtis Family fireworks display, so I'll come back in an hour and a half to pick anyone up who wants to go. Until then, I got to go see my own family for a while, remind mom what a handsome son she produced and what a fantastic brother the sis has. Ciao, guys. Be back later!"

I slammed the door, ignoring the "don't slam the door" call I always got. If they didn't want the door to slam, why didn't they just put the other spring back on it to slow it down? Anyway, realizing what a stickler Darry was about Pony's homework situation, not to mention what happened the _last _time I was out with the kid, I highly doubted Darry would allow Ponyboy to go out. Still, Soda was right. They all needed a break. The stress of everything was getting thick in their house again, to the point you could once more feel it.

When the kid was laying there unconscious that week, it was understandable the stress that could be seen on every face that either lived in or came by the house. Even Tim seemed concerned when he stopped by that week to offer his support, and he never worried about anyone. I really thought Darry was gonna take the kid back to the hospital - and probably would have if Ponyboy had been out another day, but he finally woke up.

Things should be better now, why the sudden doom and gloom Soda was radiating baffled me. They all needed a break. I hoped Darry would see it too, and let his brothers go out for a change. Afterall, rules were meant to be broken, and if Soda came along, Darry should feel relatively assured that Pony would be well taken care of.

"Hey, ma. I'm back." I pocketed the keys as I came in the door. "Whatcha cookin', good lookin'?"

"Two-Bit? I thought you were going out with the Curtis boys. Something happen?"

Even mom had her concerns for the guys. I snuck up behind her and lifted her up - spun her around then sat her back down on her feet. She swatted my arm, smiling. I was already taller than she was and outweighed her by plenty. I could probably be a bouncer at the bar she works at, but that would mean I would have to _work._.. and that concept was just out of my realm. If I ever heard of anyone putting their hands on her, though, I'd be over there in a minute. She is my mother, afterall.

"Nothing happened, just Ponyboy has to finish his homework and Sodapop just looks tired. He worked today, so he might be beat and not want to go out. I'm gonna go back over later and see if they wanna get out of the house for a while, but now ain't a good time."

"Speaking of homework... have you got any? I don't want you repeating the eleventh grade again, Keith Mathews. Twice in the same grade is more than enough!"

_Grumble_. Lecture time. "Ma, stop fretting. You're gonna get worry lines."

"Son, I don't want you having to live like I do, working some menial job with no future and no benefits. I don't want little Ponyboy Curtis being the only one to make it out of here, if he does make it. You have just as much potential as he does. Just apply yourself more."

I smiled. To think ma could compare me to Pony was one of the nicest thing she's ever said to me. I wondered when she last saw him, cause little – he ain't. Skinny, yeah... more so now than ever, but little?

"Yes, ma. Now, what's for dinner?"

"Meatloaf. I know it ain't your favorite, but...."

"Ma, that's fine. Where's sis?"

"Doing her homework, like her older brother should be. Keith, really, son...."

"Never mind, ma." I was getting somewhat annoyed. Being told once was parenting. Being told more than once was nagging. I got out the plates and silverware and cleaned off the table, tossing the non-dinner stuff on the couch. Then I looked around and really took the place in.

I remembered what Pony said the morning after Darry and Soda picked him up from the hospital before the rumble, about cleaning up my own house. Maybe he was on to something. Old newspapers and torn magazines spilled off the coffee table, and a few empty soda cans and bottles lay discarded around the bottom of the couch. The TV antenna had more tin foil on the broken rabbit ears than we had left in the kitchen as we tried to get better reception. A pile of clothes so old I couldn't remember if they were clean or dirty was stashed in the corner by the laundry room. I looked over in the kitchen as ma worked on dinner, and went ahead and picked up the living room. I may not be as smart as Ponyboy, but I could at least pick up my house. I just hoped no one would find out. I did have a reputation to maintain.

Once dinner was done and I had the plates scraped clean and rinsed for my sis to wash, I gave ma a hug.

"I'm going out for a while. Gonna stop over at Darry's and see if the guys can be sprung for a few hours of fun. Need anything?"

She looked at me concerned. "Don't get drunk, tonight. Please? I'm tired of having to worry about you every night."

I kissed the top of her head. "No promises, that way I won't be lying. See ya." I grabbed my coat and headed out.

I drove over to Darry's. "Hello? Anyone home?" I went on inside, but it was eerily silent.

The front door was open, lights on but no one home. Dirty dinner plates were still on the table. Even the milk was left out. I put it up for them, knowing how much Darry hated letting anything go to unnecessary waste. I went to the back bedrooms but again found no one. This was unusual. The only thing I could think of to make all three of them disappear like this was an emergency of some sort. I reached for their phone and called Steve at the station. He should still be there, even though it was getting real close to closing time.

"DX, Martin here. How can I help you?"

"Mart, it's Two-Bit. Is Steve still there?"

"Oh hey, Two-Bit. Hold on, he's still here." I heard the phone get put down then Mart yelled for Steve to get it. The sound of footsteps got louder and Steve picked up.

"Steve here."

"Hey buddy, it's Two-Bit. Seen Soda lately?"

"Not since I came in before four. Why?"

"I'm over at their house, not a soul in site. I was just wondering if they had something come up."

"Maybe they went out. They do that every now and then, ya know."

"Leaving a whole gallon of milk on the table with the lights on and the front door wide open?" I asked in a sarcastic tone. It was rare for me to worry, but when I did, I preferred it when others paid attention.

"I get your point. Haven't seen them, and I can't get out of here for a while yet. I'll come over as soon as I get off work. Anything else?"

"Hold on...." I heard voices outside and the three missing souls ran up the sidewalk. Lordy have mercy, they were nearly giddy. "Steve, never mind. They just showed up."

"Two-Bit, I ain't got time for this. Are they okay or not, cause I got work to do."

"Hey, Two-Bit. Looking for us?" a breathless, grinning Soda sputtered out at me.

"They're fine. See ya later, Steve." Steve said his own version of goodbye that wasn't exactly professional, and hung up the phone.

"Well, now that the lost ones have returned, anyone wanna go for a ride?"

"Darry? Please?" Pony put on his best begging look, but Darry shook his head.

"I already said no to that. I ain't gonna argue about it either. It isn't up for discussion. Go do something on that essay, or you'll spend the whole weekend in your room getting it done. Two-Bit, go on before this gets worse. Pony can't go. Soda can if he wants to."

"No thanks. I'm beat. Another time, Two-Bit."

"Alright then." I started to leave, but something made me turn around again. "You guys okay?"

Darry had his arm around Pony as if in a very loose headlock....or maybe it was a brotherly embrace. Pony looked up at him with an odd grin on his face then turned to me when he realized I hadn't left yet. Soda was standing really close to both of them with his thumbs hooked in his jeans pockets.

"We're fine, Two-Bit. See you in the morning," Darry said. He almost sounded.... _happy_.

I turned and left, shaking my head. Those Curtis boys were always surprising me with something new. I wondered how long the brotherly love thing was gonna last.

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	10. Memories

**A Case For Concern**

Chapter 10

**Memories**

XXX

I was tired. It had been a long, grueling day already, and Sandy's letter only made it worse. Darry was doing the dishes, and I was trying to clean up my side of the room - ready to collapse into bed the minute I was done. I took several side glances at Pony, who sat at his desk doing the point-over-eraser- flip thing with his pencil again, staring at that blank notebook. I was beginning to get a little annoyed with Ponyboy about this now, as I didn't see what the big friggin deal was; Mr. Symes just wanted a story, and Pony was good with stories as much as he read them. He could turn a cloud into a story if he wanted to. Still, he didn't tell me how to change spark plugs in an engine, I didn't tell him how to do his homework.

An audible groan came from Pony's direction, and he flung his pencil in the far recesses of the desk. I watched as he rubbed his eyes, stretched, and looked at the stacks of books next to him. He had books everywhere, and had read every one of them. You could tell which were his favorites by their location and amount of wear the covers had endured. Books he'd read but didn't like were on the bottom of the stacks. He was even going through Darry's collection of novels, now. Darry let him, even if they were above his level. Not like I had any books to give him, automotive magazines weren't really his thing.

There was one book that was still sort of new, sitting on a shelf- alone – that he didn't touch. Johnny's copy of _Gone With The_ _Wind_. Two-Bit had bought it for Johnny on Pony's request the first morning after they returned from Windrixville. Apparently, Pony had planned to read it to Johnny while Johnny got better in the hospital, but had died before a single word could be uttered. Two-Bit had bawled his eyes out explaining this to us later, and had to go over it a few times before either Darry or I could understand him.

_That night_. I didn't want to remember it, but my mind returned there anyway. Pony had collapsed after Dal was shot up. The ambulance that was supposed to take Dally to the hospital ended up carting Pony there instead. The living, afterall, take precedent over the dead. Darry and I rode in the back with him, the guys were coming in Steve's car once they made it back to his house from the lot. I held his limp hand while Darry reached over and kept patting his knee.

The workers in the ambulance didn't leave us much to hold, they were busy putting things on him.... an oxygen mask, taking his blood pressure and then one came out with a needle to put in his arm. Apparently he was dehydrated and needed fluids. All I knew is my younger brother was talking an hour before all this, and now wasn't even responding to my voice. Not that I was talking real clear... I was blubbering like an idiot trying to get Pony to wake up, while fearing the whole time that he never would.

They took him to the emergency room, did all sorts of stuff, and another hour later Ponyboy was admitted and sent to a room upstairs; which - as if irony needed any _further _help, was down the hall where Johnny's body still lay.

As we went down the hall following Pony's stretcher to his room, we passed a door that was partially open, where I could glimpse Mr. and Mrs. Cade, and what looked like a body covered by a sheet on the bed. Mr. Cade was silently writing on a clipboard, while Mrs. Cade was looking out the window. Neither of them spoke. At least in death, Johnny finally earned their silence. I, however was ready to scream. My worry about Pony now mixed with my despair about Johnny.

Darry gently grabbed my elbow and kept me going down the hall. He saw, but had no reaction other than his hand on my arm, who the people were in that room. Neither Darry nor I got to see Johnny while he was still alive, not realizing how badly he really was hurt. If I had known I would never get a chance to thank him for saving Ponyboy's life that night, then keeping him safe for the week; things would have gone differently. I would have found a way to visit. But, we all thought he'd get better. We all took our hits but were invincible - after all. We were wrong. We were so wrong.

"Excuse me," a nurse whispered from behind us as Pony was brought into his room. The nurses, for whatever reason, wanted me and Darry to step out while they transferred him to his bed. Apparently, Pony was gonna be naked while they moved him and checked him over once more. It wasn't like neither of us had seen him running around commando style before, but neither of us wanted to get in the nurses way, either - so out into the hall we went. "Is that Ponyboy Curtis? The friend of Jonathan Cade, who came by to see him earlier today?"

I just looked at her, still too upset to speak.

"Yes ma'am. That's Ponyboy, we're his brothers, and we're all close buddies with Johnny. I heard he, um, he's passed on." Darry quietly said, a hitch in his voice that only I noticed, but he stayed as steady as a rock.

"I thought I recognized him. I'm sorry, yes, Mr. Cade passed away this evening." The nurse looked nervous, glancing down the empty hall as she spoke with us. Suddenly the door down the hall opened and the Cades walked out, not seeing us. Darry pulled me closer to him, I think to keep me quiet as they went down the hall. In doing so, I could hear a sob hit him inside, but he swallowed hard and remained steady. My own tears were running lose on their own - uncontrolled and unrestrained. I laid my head on Darry's chest and felt him rub the back of my head for a minute. The bell to the elevator dinged, and the Cades left the floor. Then the nurse seemed to relax a little. I guessed, sarcastically, that his parents left that loving impression for their only son everywhere they went.

"It's going to be a few minutes while they get Ponyboy settled in," the nurse explained, "then we can move Jonathan downstairs. He asked me to give Ponyboy something, made me promise not to tell his parents about it. After meeting them, I can see why. It's still in his room. If you'll give me a second, I'll go get it and give to you."

"May I come with you. I'm pretty sure his folks won't have a funeral that we can go to. They don't exactly see things the same way we do. I just want to..."

"That's fine," she interrupted Darry, waving away the rest of his words. Of all the medical people we'd ever met, she seemed to understand. "It's a quiet night, all the other families have gone home. Only a minute, though, while the other nurses are distracted with Ponyboy."

She led us to Johnny's room, where he lay under the sheet on the bed. Darry reached for it, then hesitated. I turned my head, ashamed and afraid to look. The doc said he had been burned, I wasn't sure I could handle that.

"His face wasn't harmed, just his chest and arms." The nurse sort of read my mind. "It was too much for him to survive, though; and his back...." her voice trailed off.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Darry pull the sheet back. He winced, then I saw a tear slide from his eye, dropping somewhere on the sheets below. I mustered the courage and looked too. Johnny looked worn and thin... tired. Like he needed a good, long rest.

"Sleep well, Johnny. And thank you, for bringing Ponyboy home to us. You did good, kid. Real good." Darry's quiet words even brought tears to the nurse standing nearby. I heard her sniff, then all was silent again. Darry gently touched the top of Johnny's head, brushing his hair out of his closed eyes for the last time, then turned away.

"Night, Johnny. Thanks," was all I could force out of my throat. Even that was choked. I didn't care that I was quietly sobbing like a baby. My thoughts returned to Pony, and I prayed desperately that this fate wouldn't be repeated later on.

The nurse handed me a box of tissues, which I had used to mop up my tears and tried to return to something resembling my old self. She then handed Darry something that he pocketed. Later, as the four of us sat numbed and silent in Pony's hospital room, the thing was forgotten. Not until Darry carried Pony into the house did I see what it was, as Darry sat it on the desk next to Pony's side of the bed. It was that unread copy of _Gone With The Wind_. It sat there untouched the whole week as Pony lay in bed, delirious at first, then slowly getting better. When he was finally able to get out of bed again, he simply put it on a shelf by itself, not wanting – perhaps not even able - to deal with it, and all it meant.

Now, several weeks later, I watched as his eyes returned to that book. I got up, unable to stay unless asked to.

"I thought you were going to bed, Soda." Darry said as he let the dish water drain from the sink.

"I am. Eventually. What's on TV tonight?" I wanted something to numb my brain with.

"'_Gunsmoke,' 'The Honeymooners_,' or the ever-popular '_I Love Lucy_.' What's your choice?" he grinned at me.

I grabbed some aspirin and swallowed them with a gulp of water, and his look changed to one of concern. "None of the above, really," I said.

"You okay?" he paused a second, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he leaned against the sinks. "I saw the letter you dropped. What, um.. what did Sandy say?"

I looked at him, his eyes searched my face, but I shrugged. "It's over. Time to move on."

"I'm sorry, Soda. I know that's gotta hurt. It's for the best, though."

"Yeah. It's a kick in the balls, alright."

The door opened and Pony came out. He reached for the phone in the living room, and I glanced at the clock. It was nearly ten at night, who the heck is he calling now? Neither Darry nor I moved as we listened in.

"...That theme – how long can it be? …. Can it be longer?..... Thanks."

He hung up the phone and went back to his room. I heard his chair squeak and books getting shuffled. I looked at Darry and shook my head, going to the living room to crash for a bit. Darry came and sat in his chair, flipping the paper open to read. I had to have dozed off, because Darry was shaking me some.

"Soda, come on, buddy. It's late. Time for bed."

I opened my eyes, blinking at the clock. It was nearly midnight. I stumbled to the bedroom, Pony still at his desk, pen in hand, still going strong. "Pony, come on. Time for sleep. Work on it in the morning, will ya?"

"Can't. I got school in the morning."

"Yet another reason to put that to rest." His hand kept going with that pen. I don't know what story idea he came up with, but not even the late hour was making him stop. He wasn't even looking up. "Ponyboy, I'm serious. Turn out the light and come to bed."

He turned to look at me, then gave me that defeated look. His pen fell in his composition book and he quickly went to brush his teeth and change into his night clothes. I was asleep before he even got in bed.

XXX

I looked in their room, Soda was out and softly snoring, Pony was laying on his side, away from him. The sun was just peaking in the broken blinds in their window. I crept around to Pony's desk to see what the sam hill he was working on, but before I could begin to figure it out, Pony woke up and shot out of bed, slamming the cover of the composition book shut.

"I ain't done with it yet."

He looked so serious that it made me smile.

"Okay, calm down there, little buddy. You don't want me to proof read it for you?"

He looked somewhat hesitant, then shook his head. "No. Not, um... not right now. Thanks, though." It didn't escape me that he kept his hand on the cover of the composition book.

"What's with all the noise?" Soda was sitting up now, blinking back the light shining in his eyes.

I headed off to the kitchen for some coffee, with a chipper "get up and get ready for school and work, guys," being flung over my shoulder.

Soda came down the hall and ducked into the shower while Pony came and got some cereal. I slapped two pieces of bread in the toaster for him to eat, too.

"Got any tests today, Ponyboy?"

He slurped on the milk and crunched on the toast. "Um hmm," he nodded. "Science and history."

"Ready for them?" It had been a long night last night, I know he didn't have much study time, what with our romp around the park and the long overdue heart to heart we all had.

"I think so. Mrs. Norris is off on the Civil War again, and Mr. Bolston is all into Newton. I think I got it straight enough to do well."

"Do your best, okay little buddy?"

He looked at me, then gave a half hearted grin. "I _always_ do my best, Darry. Just cause it ain't an "A" don't mean I didn't try."

"_Doesn't_ mean, Pony, " I corrected.

"Whatever," he rolled his eyes and got up, taking his bowl to the sink, washing it as Soda made his exit from the bath room. They swapped places with Soda grabbing a fast peanut better and jelly sandwich while Pony had his turn in the shower. He was fast this morning, faster than I expected him to be. I was just wondering what parts of his body he missed when he bolted out the door to ride with Two-Bit and Steve. "Bye, Darry!" he called.

"See ya, Pone!" I called back.

XXX

"Thanks for the ride, Two-Bit." I hopped out of his car when he dropped me off at the house after school. At least Darry would be happy, I made an "A" on my history test and a "B+" on my science test. I wasn't very good at that whole Newton thing, but I did remember the three laws Newton had. I just forgot one stupid part of the formula. Otherwise, I'd have done better. Still, it was the best I could do, and that was that. Besides, I had other things on my mind. I grabbed the mail out of the box and dropped it on the table, made a bathroom pit stop then went right back to my essay.

I had to re-read it to make sure I hadn't left anything out, then picked right up where I left off. I didn't even notice the hours going by, but Soda was suddenly in the room, looking mad at me.

"Ponyboy, Darry is gonna whup you! Did you forget it's your night to cook? He'll be home any minute."

I looked at the clock. Oops. I put my pen down and headed off toward the kitchen while Soda went to wash the grease off his skin. As I got the water boiling for my usual fast and easy dinner of spaghetti, I heard the door open and close, and knew it was Darry.

"Hey, Pone. How was school?" he said in a tired voice as he searched the fridge for something to drink.

"Okay. I made an "A" on my history test."

"Very good. How bout science?"

"Um, well, a "B+." I should have started with the science grade first so I could end on a higher note. Drat!

He looked at me, the old look of _Nothing but an "A" will do_, plastered all over his face. But instead, he just nodded his head. "Try harder on your next test, see if that wont improve things."

"Okay." I didn't really know what else to say, and he left it at that.

When dinner was done, I went back to that theme. I was at a tough part, trying to remember feelings I had and to put them to paper, but it was hard, harder than I thought it would be. I trudged through it, wiping away the tears those memories conjured up. They wouldn't be the only tears I had while writing this.

Eventually, Soda was back in the room, insisting I turn out the light again. I didn't want to, now that I was on a roll, I didn't want to stop.

"Come on, Ponyboy, it's Friday night. Remember, no school tomorrow? Give that a rest, so I can rest."

I sighed, once again putting my pen down. Flipping the switch, I settled into bed. My mind, however, was still busy with my essay. Once all the lights were off in the house, and I knew Darry was asleep in his own bed, I crept over and took my composition book and pen to the kitchen table where I could work on it uninterrupted through the night. I never noticed the hours pass by.

XXX

Saturday. No work. At least not until tonight when I had to go to the warehouse for the weekly truck delivery. Still, I had the _day_ off, and looked forward to being lazy for a change. This was the first day in weeks I didn't have to do anything or be anywhere. The last few Saturdays, Soda and I had spent them either canvassing area's of Tulsa I never thought I would go into, or sitting in a chair at the hospital.

I lay in bed thinking about it, what we – all of us- had endured. Certainly our struggles to find him paled in what he went through, but it was still hard on all of us. My own demons never let up, knowing if I hadn't hit him - none of this would ever have happened. I shoved that feeling down deep, knowing the past was something I couldn't change... no matter how guilty I felt about it. I had to move on and deal with the cards I had left.

He was back, alive, awake, and getting better. Little by little, the old Ponyboy was coming back. God, how I missed him.

I pulled the blankets off me and sat up, rubbing my face and scratching my chest. Time to get up and resume my head of household responsibilities again. Life - it sure can be a bitch sometimes.

I headed to the kitchen only to get a surprise. Ponyboy was sitting... no, _laying,_ sound asleep on the table. His hand was paused, pen still wrapped in his fingers, on an open composition book while his head lay in the crook of his other arm. How long had he been here?

"Pone? Ponyboy, wake up." I gently shook him, he stirred but didn't wake. His arm was cold, too. I picked him up, glad to notice he had managed to put some weight back on his frame over the last few weeks, and returned him to his room.

"Soda, here, I found a wandering soul asleep in the kitchen." Soda opened his eyes as I carried Pony in the room and laid him back in bed. We covered him up, and I noticed with a smile how he just instinctively curled into a ball.

"He's cold," Soda said, touching his arms. He looked at me, concerned.

"He was in the kitchen writing that essay of his. Any idea what time he got out of bed?"

Soda got up, pulling the blankets closer to Pony, and grabbed a pair of jeans from his dresser. We went to the kitchen to talk while Pony slept in.

"I dunno. I had him turn out the light around eleven. I wasn't awake for much longer. It's been one hell of a week, I'm glad it's over."

"Me too, Pepsi. Me too."

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


	11. Absolution

**A Case For Concern**

Chapter 11

**Absolution**

**XXX**

I woke up feeling the warmth of the covers around me, and when I opened my eyes I saw glints of sunshine flitting around the room. Yawning and stretching, I glanced at the clock - then did a double take. It was after_ ten_. Something was up, Darry _never_ let me sleep in this late!

"Soda?" I called out, but there was no answer. "Darry?" I tried even louder, but no one called back.

I pulled off the covers and sat up, noticing the composition books on my desk. There were only two of them, but it only took a second to remember where I'd left the third one. The kitchen table. Oh _flip_! My stomach fell as I quickly crossed the house and found it, closed, with my pen on top, laying where I'd left it. I had no idea if they had read it, but I assumed they at least_ saw_ it. I hoped they hadn't read it. I wasn't ready for that.

I took it back to my room and stared at it. I was almost done, but the last couple of chapters had been the hardest for me. Events were blurred and memories meshed together in and out of focus. My concussion blocked a lot of it, my own personal pain hid the rest. I was still coming to grips knowing I had to live each day of the rest of my life without my best friend to talk to and hang out with. He was the type of friend you only get once in your life, and he was gone far too soon for it just to be okay. I didn't care that he had written in his letter that he was okay with it, I wasn't.

Still, I had to finish - so I trudged on, in the end letting Johnny's own words explain what I couldn't. It seemed right that he get a say in this. I could only hope Dally would be equally remembered as someone other than a tough grease- hood. He cared. He died because he cared. He cared about Johnny. I realized now, that he also cared about me. Damn.

I finished the essay. It filled three composition books and used up two pens. I looked at the finished work, wiping my eyes. I still felt like I wasn't done, even though the writing was. I knew Darry would want to read it, but I wasn't ready to let him. This was just too personal, and it was still too raw.

Looking out the window, I saw Steve and Soda fiddling with Darry's truck. It was always needing something done to it, and having one mechanic in the family... well, two- since Steve and Two-Bit were considered family by the three of us, came in handy for auto issues. I got dressed and went outside.

"Bout time you woke up. Get enough rest?" Darry was working on the porch, fixing the leaning overhang when I stepped out. Even on his day off, he still had to have hammer and nails in his hand. Same with Soda and Steve with cars. It made me smile.

"Yeah. Why'd you let me sleep so late?"

"Figured you could use it. You've been burning the midnight oil with that theme you've been working on here the last few nights. Have you finished it yet?"

I looked at him, hesitating a second. I knew if I said yes, he'd insist on proofing it. If I said no, he'd send me back in to work on it.

"Yeah. It's done. All my make up work from that week is finished, too. I'm all caught up."

He put his hammer down. "I take it you don't want me reading the theme."

"I'd rather you didn't. Not yet. I'm sure you saw it sitting on the table this morning. You probably looked at it then."

Darry gave a small nod. "I glanced at it. I can tell you put a lot of work into it. I got the feeling it's about what happened that week, isn't it?"

I nodded, looking down.

"When you're ready to talk about it, Pone, Soda and I are here. Okay, little man?"

"Yeah." I looked over at Soda and Steve again, desperate for a change of subject. "What's wrong with the truck now?"

Darry got his hammer out again. "Leak of some sort. Old thing's always got something going on with it. Besides, even if nothing was wrong with it, those two couldn't pass up a perfectly good day to get grease under their nails, now could they?"

I smiled, knowing how true that was. "No, it's in their blood."

I stood there while Darry climbed back on the ladder, but he stopped half way up. "Whacha got planned to do today, Pone?"

I looked out at the neighborhood. The leaves were starting to turn colors and the brisk coolness was refreshing. "Mind if I split for a bit, take a walk for a while?"

"Well, Two-Bit's out hanging with Kathy for the day, I dunno..." He eyed Soda, but knew that was a lost cause. Soda wasn't leaving the truck like that.

"I'll be fine, Darry. You gotta let me go sometime. I know I ain't exactly done much to earn it, but … trust me, please?" I looked at him, my fingers hitched in my back pockets. He finally nodded.

"Okay, fine. Go on. Stay on this side of town, and be home by three. Need any money?"

"No. I ain't going to the movies. Thanks though." I fingered the change in my pocket, knowing it was enough for where I was headed. I slipped out the gate and headed down the sidewalk, going the two blocks up to the bus stop.

I caught the bus in time, it was the city bus with a schedule so regular you could set your watch to it. It was about the only thing that ran on time in our side of town. The driver once told me he used to live over here, and was the _only_ driver that would take this route. He's a nice guy, and usually let me and Johnny slide by on paying our dime to ride.

"Hey, Ponyboy. Long time, no see! Lordy, son, what did you do to your hair? And where's that friend of yours?" He looked behind me for Johnny, then looked back at my face.

"He's not coming anymore," was all I could say. I started to put my dime in the slot, but as usual, he covered the slot with his hand. I looked at him, then told him my destination. "42nd and Elm Drive." The look on his face told me he knew where I was going, he knew every road in Tulsa. Johnny and I had once quizzed him, and he never got a single street wrong.

He nodded, pushed his cap back some, then shut the door behind me. I found a seat a few rows back. Nothing more was said between us as he continued on his route. There were only a few other riders, but I was glad he didn't try to talk to me anymore. When the bus pulled up to 42nd and Elm, he pulled the bus over and turned in his seat.

"I'll be back in an hour, if you're ready to go then. Take care, Ponyboy." The door opened, and I got off.

The metal archway was one I had passed under more than a few times in the last year. West Lawn Cemetery. Mom and Dad were in section 17 by the willow tree. They had a red granite headstone that Darry pawned his high school ring to be able to buy. We each thought it looked nicer than the bone white rectangles that sat ignored on all the other graves. Once a month, Darry or Soda came out to clean up around Mom and Dad. I hadn't been able to do that yet. Still, I hadn't really come here for them.

I stopped by the office, where Ms. Grimes worked. She helped Darry a lot with getting Mom and Dad here, and I thought she would remember me.

"Ms. Grimes?"

"Yes, dear. What can I do for you?" she turned from her type writer when I came in and looked at me, trying to read my face.

"I'm looking for where Johnny Cade was buried. A few weeks ago?"

"Ponyboy! Now I remember you."

I softly smiled. The hair was throwing her off. "Yes ma'am. Johnny?"

She smiled back, and reached for her ledger. Running her finger down a few pages, she finally stopped and wrote something down. Running her finger down the page a little more, she stopped again. Then she handed me the paper.

"Johnny is in section 24, way over here.." she had a laminated map of the cemetery out and was showing me how to get there. I thanked her, and stepped back out into the sunlight. I made my way around the headstones until I found section 24, then finally found his grave. The ground was barren, except for the few leaves that had fallen. Grass would grow in the spring, but for now, it was just dirt. He had one of those awful headstones, where they engraved just his name and the dates he was born and died on it. I noticed someone else had chiseled "friend" in it too. I wondered which of our buddies had done that.

I sat down, using someone else's headstone as a backrest. For the longest time, I just stared at it, not knowing if anyone would think me nuts to be here, let alone really wanting to say things out loud to a polished rock with Johnny's name on it. I looked around, no one except those boxed up below the earth were here.

"Hey, Johnny." I felt so weird doing this, but yet it was good to finally get it out. Tears slid down my face as I thought about him, the conversations we would never have. "I'm sorry I didn't make it to your funeral. I was sort of out of it at the time." I got quiet again, not knowing what to say. Johnny understood, these were the conversations we had anyway. He could read me like a book, and me him. Now that book had reached it's last page, though. That's what hurt so bad. I wiped away the tears and took a quivering breath. "I won't forget you, Johnny. Thanks, for everything." I bent my knees and leaned my head against them, aware my cries would be heard if anyone came. Thankfully, no one did. The breeze blew through the trees and the sunlight filtered down onto the ground below. The shadow's moved after a while, and I finally mustered the energy to get up. "I got to go now, Johnny. One day, when I can, I'll get you a better headstone. No one will forget you, buddy. Ever." I started to walk away, but remembered there was something else on that paper Ms. Grimes handed to me.

_Dallas Winston, Section 24, one row up_. I looked at Johnny's grave, then turned back to the headstone I had been leaning on all this time. Walking around it, I read the name and smirked, an unexpected laugh escaping my side as I shook my head. _Dallas Winston_. He was still there for me to lean on in one way or another, even in death.

"Very funny, Dally. Don't worry, I wont let anyone forget you either."

I felt better, and headed back to the bus stop. Passing section 17, I stopped by Mom and Dad's stone and knelt down. I said nothing, just read the words engraved into the rock. _We're doing the best we_ _can,_ I thought, hoping in my heart they understood. I brushed off some leaves and stood up, leaning against the stone and feeling the sun - warmed granite under my hand. I knew the bus would be returning soon.

I headed out, tears long gone and my chest feeling lighter. Maybe I _could_ get back in shape in time for track this spring, if I tried really hard. I'd have to quit smoking, that was for sure. It would be difficult, but I could do it. I knew Darry would be happier.

Once again, the driver wouldn't take my dime, so I sat in silence, waiting for the stop by my house. As we got closer, I changed my mind.

"Can you let me off up here instead?"

"Sure, Ponyboy. You doing okay, kid?"

I smiled. "Yeah, I'm doing fine. Thanks. See ya." He opened the door and I hoped out. After he drove off, I walked up the street to the lot. It took a while to find what I was looking for, I hadn't been in the lot in weeks, after all; not since the night that I fell asleep here. Even the intersection in front of it - where Dally died - didn't bother me like I thought it might. I knew he wasn't here. Once I got what I came for, I headed home.

Darry, Soda and Steve were lounging in the yard when I came up.

"See, here comes the kid, now. You can stop your worrying," Steve was saying to Soda as he got up.

I pulled back my arm and let the football fly, hitting Steve in the chest. Darry wasn't the only one who could throw a pass in our family.

"Why, you little shit!" Steve growled at me, picking up the ball and throwing it back. I caught it, and aimed my next pass at Darry, who by now was expecting it and caught it easily. A laugh came from me, one I didn't know was hiding inside. Darry signaled me to go long, and I did. He launched it like he used to, and I reached up and caught it. Things were getting back to normal again. Our new normal, with just the five of us.

Stay Gold

XXX

Calla Lilly Rose


End file.
